2019 is the Year of the Pig. The pig is the 12th and final animal in the Chinese zodiac and is associated with the earth, wealth, and intuitive, artistic expression. As 2018 comes to a clamorous, commercialized end, we’ve put together this holiday gift guide in preparation for the year to come. Put another way: This holiday season, we are all pigs.
To navigate this rowdy collection of left-field luxury goods, Interview assembled an elite panel of experts, cousins, Task Rabbits, some friends, and the mother of our managing editor to review, praise, and ponder an eclectic holiday haul.
The Participants: David (m), 45; Joey (m), 28; Vera (f), 17; Courtney (f), 22; June (f), 30; Peter (m), 25; Ronald (m), 37; Carlos (m), 41; Joseph (m), 12; Jamie (f), 57
GUCCI FAUX FUR COAT ($9,300)
Vera (Friend): I see this on an Upper East Side divorcee. She’s bringing her kids to school and she dresses up for that type of daily activity, because, for her, it’s a social thing.
DYSON AIR PURIFIER ($600)
Joey (Friend): Everyone wants a Dyson something. It’s a status symbol.
Courtney (Cousin): Controlling the texture of the air you breathe is so up there in terms of luxury.
Jamie (Mother of Managing Editor): But it’s made by a vacuum company, and you should not buy your wife a vacuum for Christmas. Just a tip.
Carlos (Friend): I think it’s a good gift. Maybe I need one. Maybe I’m dying without one?
Y/PROJECT X UGG THIGH-HIGH BOOTS ($1,540)
Courtney (Cousin): This is a tribute to a shoe that got a lot of us through our early years.
June (Friend): Is this an everyday look, or is this a special look?
Joey (Friend): Everyday look.
Vera (Friend): I went on a school field trip where we had to go into a river with really high pH levels and I had to wear something similar to this. But it was attached to an overall.
EMPORIO ARMANI BAG ($895)
David (Task Rabbit): This is a great mom gift.
Carlos (Friend): My mother is definitely down for sparkly shit.
Jamie (Mother): I love it!
PILLA PERFORMANCE EYEWEAR ARCHERY GLASSES ($269)
June (Friend): They feel great.
Courtney (Cousin): I feel like they’re a loving homage to J.Lo in 2003.
Jamie (Mother): This is a good gift for a friend.
Peter (Streetwear Expert): Or my dad.
Jamie (Mother): The men in your life.
MIU MIU BAG ($1,950)
Courtney (Cousin): My little cousins would fuck with this.
Joey (Friend): It’s a gift for a young lady.
Vera (Friend): I like how it moves. It reminds me of that Gucci veil that, what you wear it with will determine whether it’s really tacky or fashionable, so you would have to trust the person you give it to not to mess it up.
LITTLE GOYARD BOX ($1,520)
Courtney (Cousin): This is fab, although I probably wouldn’t buy it because I don’t buy small things that go on countertops.
Vera (Friend): It’s like a gift for a co-worker you really like. Or a distant cousin.
Joseph (Pseudonym): I don’t think I’d give it to someone without something inside it.
David (Task Rabbit): Even though it’s a Goyard box, it’s not substantial enough.
Peter (Streetwear Expert): They should have put a strap on it.
VAN CLEEF & ARPELS NECKLACE ($74,000)
Joey (Friend): I’d fuck with this. I’d fuck with this so hard.
Peter (Streetwear Expert): This is for the Ivanka Trump in your life.
PRADA HAT ($570)
Jamie (Mother): Feels a little Elmer Fudd-ish.
Courtney (Cousin): I don’t believe in buying clothing as gifts, but a hat like this is a good exception. I think it’s a nice way of saying, “Hey, I want you to consider new things in your style,” without being pushy.
JIMMY CHOO SHOE ($2,850)
Carlos (Friend): I feel like you could have a really good time in these shoes. This is not a shoe that reflects the misery and depression in the world.
David (Task Rabbit): It’s a gift!
BURBERRY FANNY PACK ($660)
Vera (Friend): My mom is dying for one of the Gucci ones.
Courtney (Cousin): Would she be upset if you get her a Burberry one instead?
Vera (Friend): She would shun me.
Jamie (Mother): Honestly, I love it.
LE LABO SANTAL 26 CONCRETE CANDLE ($460)
Courtney (Cousin): It’s so gigantic that it becomes a planter after it runs out.
Carlos (Friend): It’s a pot of concrete with a candle in it.
Joey (Friend): But the candle is delicious.
NIKE CORTEZ X COMME DES GARÇONS PLATFORMS ($150)
David (Task Rabbit): This says, “I like you and I’m trying to have fun with this gift.”
Carlos (Friend): A good gift is not supposed to be completely perfect. It needs to feel spontaneous and take you out of your comfort zone.
David (Task Rabbit): Everything I don’t like about this is what makes it a good gift.
BLACK CROWS NEON SKIS ($860)
Vera (Friend): If I skied, I’d want these skis.
David (Task Rabbit): This is really a way of saying, “Hello, I ski.”
GUCCI VASE ($4,980)
Vera (Friend): The second I saw it, I thought it was an urn. I would not be upset if that was my urn.
BALMAIN BOOTS ($2525)
Ronald (Messenger who stopped by): The thing is, they take on a whole new shape when you’re wearing them.
June (Friend): You can wear these to the club on New Year’s Eve, and then that’s it!
Courtney (Cousin): This is for the Kelly Rowland in your life.
DIOR MINI SADDLEBAG ($340)
Carlos (Friend): The saddlebag was invented by John Galliano, and I think it’s cool. Maria Grazia Chiuri brought it back, and now Kim Jones is doing it, too. I like that everyone is into Y2K Galliano shit in 2018. And I love that this bag is so small that it’s literally useless. This is the perfect gift for a single gay.
Joey (Friend): Me.
June (Friend): I think we all want it.