Ms. Juicy Baby Is Gifting Her Bootycall Some Chanel Cologne

By
Illustrations by Jack Vhay

Published December 14, 2018

 

As 2018 comes to a clamorous, commercialized end, we’ve put together a multi-part holiday gift guide in preparation for the year to come. 

Gifting a scent is a well-intended endeavor inherently fraught with peril. What — besides perhaps lingerie or any accessory of the boudoir — is more deeply personal, loaded with signifiers, and fully responsible for a first impression?

Alas, argues Ms. Juicy Baby, the beloved figurehead of TLC’s Little Women Atlanta, gifting a scent is a worthwhile endeavor, particularly for men in need of a freshen-up. Amidst a market brimming with smells — some musky, some sweet, some downright repellent — Ms. Juicy gives us her expert guidance. Here, she picks the best colognes for all the men in your life, from the corporate bootycalls to the couture contractors, and everyone in between.

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CHANEL’S DEAUVILLE ($130)

SMELLING NOTES: “The bottle looks very plain to me, but guys like simpler things than us women, so that’s okay. This cologne smells buttoned-up, not too strong. It’s for a suit-and-tie type of man.”

PERFECT FOR: Mr. Corporate Bootycall.

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JEAN PAUL GAULTIER’S LE MALE ($116)

SMELLING NOTES: “Oh, I like this! Wait, I’m going to spray it again but not get it on me. You would think from the bottle that this is for a gym rat or a party animal, but it smells much more suave than that. It’s nightlife.”

PERFECT FOR: Mr. Uber XL.

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TOM FORD’S TUSCAN LEATHER ($235)

SMELLING NOTES: “This smells real good when you first spray it, but then after it kind of fades away. The after-smell isn’t even sour or anything, just kind of blah. Smell-wise, I could see a blue-collar worker wearing this, but a fancy blue-collar worker because Tom Ford is expensive.”

PERFECT FORMr. Couture Contractor.

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BURBERRY’S MR. BURBERRY INDIGO ($89)

SMELLING NOTES: “Mmmm, this smells like someone who goes out at night, but he’s not Mr. Nightlife. This guy is somewhere between the Chanel and the Gaultier. This is a versatile guy.”

PERFECT FOR: Mr. Man-Who-Can-Do-Both.