search history

@Sotce on Girlhood, Guardian Angels, and Her Google Searches


@Sotce, photographed by Sierra Petrocelli.

@Sotce, (pronounced “Sot-see,” we think) has a mystical internet presence, racking up more than 400,000 followers on Tiktok and her remunerative Patreon with an intuitive blend of hyper-specific memes and Buddhist philosophy. At 19, on a whim, she moved to a monastery in India for one year, and upon her return amassed a cult of followers lapping up her sage advice, guided meditations, musings on girlhood, and precocious wisdom. On TikTok, she posts cryptic texts like, “wearing my ocean bathing suit to bed. wondering if i’ll ever see you again.” And on Patreon, followers ask how to turn their ice cream server jobs into a “spiritual practice.” But, despite how much she shares, we’re still looking for answers; one of my friends tells me she’s from Philadelphia, another attests she’s heartbroken over someone at the monastery, and third claims her real name is Amelia. So, in this week’s SEARCH HISTORY, we slid into her DMsactually, she slid into oursto try and crack the code. Instead, we wound up stewing over ovulation, angels, and the meaning of success.


SOTCE: hi Eloise

INTERVIEW: Hi! Thank you for making time for this. 

SOTCE: thank you for having me

INTERVIEW: To start: A/S/L? 

SOTCE: i prefer not to say…

INTERVIEW: What’s the first thing you do when you wake up? 

SOTCE: say thank you for another day and drink water

INTERVIEW: If you could have one person kiss your forehead before bed every night, who would you want it to be? 

SOTCE: omg my grandma. Or an angel. 

INTERVIEW: What kind of angel? 

SOTCE: an angel from the heavens who smells like flowers

INTERVIEW: Beautiful. Could you send a screenshot of your latest google searches? 

SOTCE: ok. it’s boring.


 INTERVIEW: You recently moved to NYC. How are you liking it? Any favorite spots? 

SOTCE: it’s alright. I like pear river and cafe himalaya. 

INTERVIEW: I love cafe himalaya. Where do you spend most of your time online? 

SOTCE: probably just posting stuff. I’m really not on my phone that much. I have a tarot card app. Tarot&Numerology. It’s kind of a bad habit.

INTERVIEW: What’s the strangest DM you’ve received? 

SOTCE: I receive strange messages all the time. Let me look. Well, a lot of people message me their secrets. A lot of people messaged me “it’s october” this week.

INTERVIEW: That’s very honest!

SOTCE: yes. They say “it’s monday” on Monday. Maybe they think I don’t know

INTERVIEW: You say in a Tiktok, “success hunting me down like a jaguar.” What is success to you? 

SOTCE: I think there is a certain flow state, a certain alignment that a person can find where everything… it’s just really nice to feel like you’re in the right place. I’ve only felt that way a few times but it’s always when i give myself a movement, a project, and everything snowballs. Do you understand? 

INTERVIEW: I really do. If you could have one memory what would it be? 

SOTCE: have in what way? Like it’s the only thing in my head forever? 

INTERVIEW: Good question. When you remove yourself from the present moment, it’s all you remember of your life. 

SOTCE: I read this somewhere recently, that all memory is the memory of loss, like to remember something is to be separate from it. I’d like to remember everything. I was writing about memory last night actually. I will probably post it on Substack today. 

INTERVIEW: Could you send your favorite meme?

SOTCE: I made this last night.

INTERVIEW: I love it

SOTCE: Thank you

INTERVIEW: What does your Tiktok FYP look like? 

SOTCE: ads and vlogs, current events, brain rot. i dislike when people say that, actually. 

INTERVIEW: What are you wearing right now? 

SOTCE: lol;)


Photo courtesy of @Sotce.

INTERVIEW: What is girlhood to you? 

SOTCE: Feeling deeply and vividly. With a sandwich at lunchtime. 

INTERVIEW: Where do you go and what do you do when you’re sad? 

SOTCE: I try to feel it until completion, i create the conditions that allow me to do this. If i’m really sad i might disappear to a hotel spa in the Balkans. I usually need to be alone to listen to myself. When i’m patient, silence holds all the answers. I might go to the Whitney or eat a hot dog on a bench. 

INTERVIEW: These are great options. Last question: what’s your password? 

SOTCE: i prefer not to say

INTERVIEW: full circle!

SOTCE: i was thinking that

INTERVIEW: Thank you ❤️

SOTCE: thank you Eloise. I hope you have a great day

INTERVIEW: I hope you have a great day, too.