Rorschach Test

Kalen Allen Sounds Off on Birth Charts, Blockbuster, and Beyoncé

Kalen Allen

Photos by Kim Newmoney.

As a recent guest host on The Ellen Show—featuring Kelly Rowland and Angelica Ross as his guests—Kalen Allen has proven that he really can do it all. Last year, he made his acting debut in Seth Rogen‘s An American Pickle, released a Christmas album, and earlier this year, became a judge on the baking competition series Cakealikes. As a jack of all trades, it only made sense that Allen give us his opinions on a bunch of topics at semi-random—from edibles to The Cheesecake Factory.


Birth Charts

I am a firm believer in astrology, and maybe that’s just because when I scroll through Instagram and I go through the Capricorn posts, I’m like, “Oh yeah, that’s spot on.” I’m sure a lot of people probably say that it’s rigged somehow, but I firmly believe in it and it helps me figure out who I am and why I am the way that I am and how I operate. So Capricorn is the main one, and then my rising is Scorpio and my moon is in Gemini.


The Cheesecake Factory

Oh, now see, this was set up—you already know how I feel about The Cheesecake Factory because that brown bread is everything. When the waiter comes, I’ll say, just give me the brown bread. I don’t know why people were on Twitter last week talking about how Cheesecake Factory is beneath them. That is not true. The last time I was at Cheesecake Factory, you know who was there? Tyra Banks. Tyra Banks can go to Cheesecake Factory. Everybody knows that when they were in high school and when they would go to prom, when you left prom, where did you go? Cheesecake Factory. But everybody wants to be bougie all of a sudden. And then also, they have this pineapple cherry limeade. Baby, it’ll treat you right. Mmhmm. But they don’t give refills, so I have to tell them to bring me two at a time.


New York City vs. Los Angeles

New York City any day over Los Angeles. There is a different energy about that city, it’s timeless. You just feel like you can do anything when you are in New York. That energy can not be matched. And everybody is so independent; they mind they own business and they have a sense of authenticity and realness that can not be duplicated here in L.A. My favorite place to travel is Barcelona. Oh, yes. I can’t wait to go back to Spain. Mainly because the men like me there, and I’m always looking for a potential husband. I definitely need to go back to Spain to find me a man and bring him back. Like, maybe you need a green card or something.



So I started watching the Marvel films during the pandemic, and I’m obsessed. I love WandaVision. That’s the best TV I’ve seen in a long time. Now I’m watching Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I love that too, because baby, this Captain America… they need to go ahead and kill him. I’m tired of him. I would have to say that the one Marvel movie that I was absolutely hooked on was Dr. Strange, which was so interesting because it came out when I was working for AMC theaters in Philadelphia. I could’ve gone and seen the movie, but I was just like, “Eh, I’m not in superhero movies.” But baby, when I watched the movie, I was hooked.


Beyoncé’s Albums, Ranked

Oh my god. Oh, that’s hard. Okay. Let me think. I would have to give number one to B’Day. Number two, I would have to give that to 4. Three, I would give it to The Gift. Four, I would give it to Lemonade. Five, I would give that to I Am… Sasha Fierce. Six would be Beyoncé. Is that all of them? Yeah, self-titled was my least favorite. I don’t know why; it’s just not my favorite.


The Sex and the City Reboot

Yeah, I’m going to watch it. That’s another thing that I started watching during the pandemic. I had never seen Sex and the City. I also watched the movie, and I was obsessed. I’m definitely going to watch the reboot, and I just hope that they bring in some diversity. If they need a character, I can definitely come in and play a role. I love Carrie. I don’t necessarily think that I’m specifically one of the characters. I think I’m a little bit of each one of them.


Hosting The Ellen Show

Oh, I absolutely loved it, it was the first time in my life that I felt like I did something. I was like, “This is what I’m supposed to be doing and this feels completely right.” We had a virtual audience, which was great, but I would’ve loved to be able to look out into the audience and see the faces and feel the energy. I think if I would have had that element, then the show would’ve been even 10 times better. Now I’ve been talking about wanting my own talk show. I want a hybrid between Ellen and Oprah. I know that Oprah took a more journalistic approach, and so I’ve even been thinking about possibly applying to NYU’s online master’s journalism program.



Okay, so I did my first edible a couple of weeks ago after going to Aspen. And baby, I can tell you this, never again. First of all, I was literally going crazy, and it was to the point where I was telling my friend Tori, “Please search how to get rid of a high.” It was miserable. I was so tired, my mouth was dry, I felt like I was going to choke and die. I hated it. It was a capsule. Wouldn’t recommend it.


Lil Nas X

I think Lil Nas X is doing something that is going to be very game-changing. As far as Black queer artists within the music industry, because there is little to none. I think that Lil Nas using his platform to make such a statement and to come out so authentically and so unapologetically is going to help other people to be more accepting of queer artists who also express that same individuality and expression.


Mariah Carey

Oh, everybody knows that I’m a lamb. Love her dearly. I think she is an amazing songwriter and I think she’s an absolute icon. When it comes to favorite songs, I don’t even know if I can pick one specifically, but if I did, it would have to be “Outside,” which is from the Butterfly album. And with that, I say that Butterfly is her best album. I read Mariah’s book and it turns out that Butterfly was actually the first album that she was able to have a lot more creative control on her own, outside of Tommy Mottola, and I was like, “See?!” Her fingers just needed to be unlocked.



I am happy that there is one left in the world. I came across this tweet from Blockbuster and they were talking about Netflix, but trying to downplay them. And I was like, “Well sweetheart, look, when you do clownery, the clown comes back to bite, because where you at now?” Now you only got one remaining. But I remember going to Blockbuster as a kid, I remember going to Hollywood Video. I do miss the experience. But I also think it’s great that if I’m sitting at home, I can find my favorite movie and watch it from home.


Recent Obsessions

Let me think. I’ve been binge-watching The Nanny. I’ve really been in my nostalgic bag. I’ve been watching That’s So Raven. I’m excited about this Proud Family reboot. I I’ve really been starting to read a lot more, right now I am reading Michelle Williams’s book from Destiny’s Child, which is coming out soon, so I have an advanced reading copy. Quinta Brunson, who really pioneered and started what is going viral on the internet, has a new book, and so I’ve been reading that as well. I’ve really been in my intellectual bag.