“Sex and the City Is Owned by the Fans”: Sarita Choudhury on Men, Makeup, and Menopause

Samantha Jones may not be around in And Just Like That…, the frothy Sex and the City reboot now in its third season on HBO Max, but the character who most captures her ineffable joie de vivre would be Seema Patel, the charismatic real estate broker with a love for animal prints and a low tolerance for obnoxious men. For Sarita Choudhury, who plays Seema with a pitch-perfect balance of poise and sexy sophistication, joining the cast of a beloved, big-budget TV show counts as a slightly unexpected mid-career resurgence. After debuting opposite Denzel Washington in Mira Nair’s 1991 drama Mississippi Masala, Choudhury found herself steering clear of all things traditionally Hollywood and sprinting towards the worlds of independent and arthouse film. There, she wracked up credits as a Pakistani country-western singer in Wild West (1992) and a lesbian mother in Fresh Kill (1994). But work wasn’t always as steady as it is now. “I was the one never working when everyone was working,” she told her friend and Jessica Jones co-star Carrie-Anne Moss last month. “Somehow it makes sense to me that I’m the one working now.” And while Choudhury might not share Seema’s taste for Birkin bags, she does take some satisfaction watching herself stomp around Manhattan in sky-high stilettos. Below, she joins The Matrix star for a candid conversation about longevity in Hollywood, the perils of the makeup chair, and indulging in guilty pleasures.

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CARRIE-ANNE MOSS: I just ran home. All my chickens were out and I was like, “I’m going to be late.”

SARITA CHOUDHURY: Only you would have that problem. “I’ve got an interview, but let me rein the chickens in.” 

MOSS: I know. I started reining them in and my husband took over.

CHOUDHURY: I think interviews should be about that. The acting is one part of our lives, but what we really do…

MOSS: What did you do before you got here?

CHOUDHURY: I was about to come on and the t-shirt I was wearing was so weird, and I remembered a choli I bought in India that I never get to wear outside.

MOSS: Do you go to India very often?

CHOUDHURY: I do. My parents retired back to India probably 15 years ago, so I go if I can twice a year. In fact, right now it’s monsoon, which is my favorite. But we’re trying to figure out how to do it because the airspace is blocked, so you can’t go the normal routes. I usually fly to Qatar then to Calcutta, and I can’t do that.

MOSS: Right. 

CHOUDHURY: But I just want to say, Carrie, I was thinking of you [for this] because whenever I see any press of yours, even if the journalist is coming at you with a hyper question, you’re just like, “I’m still going to answer the way I am.” And that’s who I want to talk to. You’re one of the few actors who I’ve seen be able to do that. It’s hard, especially when you’re promoting stuff that is big or commercial. That doesn’t mean your answers have to be that way, but the questions lead that way. There’s that literal second where you have to change the tone a little. I don’t think people know how hard that is.

MOSS: How has the press tour been? I mean, you looked absolutely stylish and—

CHOUDHURY: Oh my gosh.

MOSS: As you always do. How are you feeling about it?

CHOUDHURY: I haven’t done that many big ones in my life, because independent films don’t have that budget. I did it once for a film with Tom Hanks called A Hologram for the King, and that was my first time dipping my toe into that. The joy was we’re five women, and we’re all the same age, so there’s something really relaxing. And when you’re in your 50s, if you want to wear that outfit, you’re going to wear it and have fun. In my 20s, I’d be like, “I can’t wear that outfit,” and spend hours not wanting to wear it. When I realized we would do 48 journalists a day, I was like, “I’m going to be an athlete and try not to give the same answer all the time,” which is the more exhausting part.

MOSS: What’s the question you get all the time that you just go, “Uh-oh”?

CHOUDHURY: There are questions you want them to ask and never happens. The questions I get asked all the time lead with this excitement of, “Isn’t it fun to wear all those clothes?”

MOSS: Right. I saw that.

CHOUDHURY: Fun is not the word. It’s fun watching it after and thinking, “Oh my god, I actually walked in the heels well,” but my thoughts are, “Let me not act like I’m aware of the amount I’m wearing.” You realize people want to have fun when they talk to you, and sometimes I bring people down in the reality of what I’m saying. What I would love to talk about is that MPK [Michael Patrick King] is kind of a genius mind, and I feel like he has trained me. I’ve done comedy in theater, but in theater you have six weeks rehearsal and in television you have none. He’s so good at comedy and farce, and he trained me.

MOSS: How?

CHOUDHURY: I’d do a scene and he’d be like, “Sarita, is that funny?” And I’m like, “Clearly not.” And then he’d say, “If you say the line and then open the door, peek your head out, then say the next line, that’s funny.” And you’re like, “What mathematical equation is that?” He understands the math of comedy.

MOSS: Does he offer classes?

CHOUDHURY: I swear. 

MOSS: You and I both are very natural in our cadence and flow, but they understand that timing.

CHOUDHURY: Well, his brilliance is then if I time it too well, he’ll be like, “No, no, no, I still want you to play the scene with the love and the realness.” He knows that comedy only comes out of truth. So my learning curve was that balance. Also, the language of this show. Sometimes my [lines] are a monologue, not just one sentence. Back in the day, Bette Davis and all those people had monologues, and it’s less so now. That was fun to wrangle. In one of the scenes, my daughter and I were talking about it yesterday—

MOSS: How is she?

CHOUDHURY: She’s so good. She started watching the show. We were laughing because in the show, I got my Birkin bag stolen. In reality, whatever someone gives me that day will be my bag for the next month. It’s a running joke even with my friends that I have no awareness of bags. And in the show, when my bag gets stolen, the stakes are so high for my character and I’m crying. And I said to MPK, “I really have to admit I don’t understand that.” So he started replacing the bag with a child. The stakes got higher and higher with false replacements. 

MOSS: I totally get it. We’re very similar like that.

CHOUDHURY: When I watched your work, especially in The Matrix, I was thinking that you have to do so much action and then have two lines where you suddenly say so much. You have this way of pulling off normality as if you’re talking to the grocer, but it will switch into the action. They don’t want hyper-reality in the acting. It’s a lot of weird work you do to pull off being in those movies.

MOSS: It can feel very containing. I watched a lot of Clint Eastwood.

CHOUDHURY: Oh, that’s so smart.

MOSS: Right?

CHOUDHURY: And so old-fashioned.

MOSS: And so still. That’s the thing, I’m very animated. I talk with my hands.

CHOUDHURY: Yes. I think a lot of people would assume you’re good at stillness because when you’re saying your lines, there’s something you do with your eyes. The stillness allows for everything to come out. 

MOSS: I had an acting teacher at the time, Sandy Marshall. She passed away last year. If you said something that didn’t sound honest, she would always be like, “Just say it.” It’s the way she would say that. Because as actors, sometimes you can feel like you’re not enough. 

CHOUDHURY: It’s so true. 

 

MOSS: How is it working in New York? What a dream, right? I mean, obviously we worked together in New York, but you still live there.

CHOUDHURY: It is a gift. But I have to say, I wanted that earlier. When your kids are young, you’d die to work in New York, and I never did. It was Morocco, it was Germany, it was North Carolina, and it was so hard. Now that I don’t have to worry about that, I work in New York. Now that I can go to Iceland, no one’s asking me. But the joy is biking to work. I love it. I also love that I’m not a big restaurant connoisseur, but we shoot in a lot of new places with new chefs and you can meet them. So I’ve actually had a whole lesson on what’s actually going on in New York, which I wouldn’t know because I live in Brooklyn and I don’t go to the city every day. It is madness to shoot here because Sex and the City is owned by the fans.

MOSS: Oh, yeah.

CHOUDHURY: The first episode was shooting in Washington Square Park. And as we were moving, it was me and Sarah Jessica [Parker] walking, the whole crowd moved with us. She was so good at it. And I find it hard to walk and talk, first of all, let alone with 300 people walking with you and recording you. There’s so many things you have to learn to do this job.

MOSS: I just was listening to a podcast while I was cleaning the kitchen yesterday with Mariska Hargitay. I’ve known her forever, and they’re talking about whether she can just walk down the street. She’s got such a wicked sense of humor, that woman. And she was like, “No.” The way she said it was just so her.

CHOUDHURY: She’s so funny though, because she’ll say that, but when you meet her, she has got to be one of the most regular—

MOSS: Oh, totally. But New York loves these shows. It’s just different.

CHOUDHURY: Mariska makes me feel lazy because not only does she work 16-hour days every day, she then does that. You know what I mean?

MOSS: Well, she did also say on the podcast that she has an 8:00 call time. Something [Call Her] Daddy. It’s a great podcast. 

CHOUDHURY: I’m going to watch it. Do you feel like it’s gotten easier as the kids grow? Or harder because you fall more in love with your day-to-day life?

MOSS: Now that they’re older, working is so much easier. I think the hardest part is that I live in nature and it’s hard to leave. It’s like I’m being forced out of my comfort zone kicking and screaming. It takes me almost two hours to get to the airport. I just did a show last summer in Toronto, and I just flew back and forth and did the drive. It kind of reminded me of when I did Jessica Jones, because that was a huge culture shock for me to be in New York. 

CHOUDHURY: Oh, yeah.

MOSS: I had not worked on location in that way. You have to get an apartment with Netflix. They give you an allowance, but you have to figure it out. I remember that I didn’t know what Uber was. I would go to coffee shops and I literally felt like I didn’t know how to communicate with people.

CHOUDHURY: That’s so endearing.

MOSS: I was in L.A., but I was at home with my kids making breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I wasn’t ordering a coffee. I wasn’t shooting it with people the way that I do now. I felt like people were looking at me going, “Is she okay?”

CHOUDHURY: [Laughs] When I met you the first time we both went to set together, I was kind of nervous. I remember looking at you and my first thought, which I still think, was, “Why does she have such amazing skin?” I remember one day I was dealing with something and you were like, “What’s up?” I told you, but then we had to shoot. But you were like, “No, let’s really figure this out.” You knew it was both emotional and technical.

MOSS: I remember hearing about menopause when I was in my 30s from an actress friend of mine, and she was like, “You never want to tell anyone when you go through menopause.” Now everyone has—

CHOUDHURY: An ad for it.

MOSS: A product for it. Everyone’s selling menopause now!

CHOUDHURY: It’s so true. I remember when I was pregnant feeling that I’d have to call the agency and tell them. Because you don’t get to work with women that much in the industry. With you, it was the first time I could have these conversations, because I’ve always been paired up with men.

MOSS: We had a lot of fun on that show. How do you feel about the industry right now? You have a great job, and you understand how fortunate you are. I feel the same way to be working, because a lot of people I know aren’t.

CHOUDHURY: Most people aren’t. Though, I feel like I’ve always been out of sync with the business. In my early 30s, I was in L.A. for pilot season. We’d go out for dinner and I’d meet other actors who were booking pilots and I was so jealous. Sometimes you’d call your agent and they’d say, “Business is really slow right now,” and you knew it was a lie. But I was the one never working when everyone was working, so somehow it makes sense to me that I’m the one working now. It seems very dire.

MOSS: I mean, there’s some really great stuff out there, but then you see the number one trending thing is some reality show. You know what I’m saying?

CHOUDHURY: Totally. I now go on Criterion and to a country I know nothing about. Or I’ll type in Venice Film Festival winners and pick something random.

MOSS: Smart idea.

CHOUDHURY: Because I know myself. If I watch that festival winner, I’m going to go to bed in a good mood thinking I’m French and wake up in a good mood. If I watch any of those other shows, this weird thing happens to me where it’s like being an addict. It’s a private shame.

MOSS: I don’t watch all that much TV anymore. I love going to bed early.

CHOUDHURY: What? When do you go to bed? 

MOSS: Depends on how busy I am with life, but 8:00, 8:30.

CHOUDHURY: That is so brilliant. I go to bed late every night.

MOSS: What time?

CHOUDHURY: 1:00. I wake up late, like 9:30 if I’m not working. What time do you wake up?

MOSS: I wake up at like 5:00.

CHOUDHURY: Getting up early feels like Christmas to me. It’s dazzling. But getting makeup on your face at 5:30 is super hard.

MOSS: You look gorgeous in this show.

CHOUDHURY: Oh my god. First of all, I think the DP is amazing. And second, I finally found a makeup artist who understands that I like to feel natural. I need to feel a certain way to keep the acting going.

MOSS: Yeah, me too. You found someone that understands.

CHOUDHURY: Her name is Lisa Houghton. I told her, “I like using hands, not tools.” And she’s British, so she’s like, “Oh, darling, in the ’90s, that’s all we used.” She was trained that way. I realized that I grew up in the ’90s and that’s why I still want that.

MOSS: How about when they went through that phase where they did that spray-on makeup? Do you remember that? 

CHOUDHURY: I only had it once. I almost had a breakdown. But I didn’t want to be rude, so I didn’t say anything.

MOSS: I need a lot more makeup now than I did when I was younger.

CHOUDHURY: Yeah, me too. When I have too much makeup on, I swear my acting changes.

MOSS: Oh, yeah. You need someone that you can trust too. I worked with this producer once and she called me and said, “Carrie-Anne, you have to look in the mirror before takes. Your hair, I don’t know…” 

CHOUDHURY: For Seema, because she’s so done up, my biggest fear was doing TV waves. You know where the tongs come out and you look like a TV presenter? So my hair stylist does these hot rollers and then takes them off and messes them up. It feels old-fashioned, but modern, which is probably a lot of work for her. 

MOSS: When I worked in TV in the past, it was always something about my hair. I remember in the beginning of my career, I did this show. They would all come to see how my hair was going to be every episode, and I started feeling really self-conscious about that. Every note I ever got on that show was about my hair.

CHOUDHURY: That’s so crazy. The weirdest thing happened on the subway yesterday. My show airs on Thursday nights, and I don’t know why I happen to always go out alone on Thursday night. So on the subway, this one woman kind of leaned forward and she goes, “I just saw you on The View and you are right what you said.” And I was like, “Regarding what?” And she goes, “That you don’t dress like Seema.” And I thought I was dressed up yesterday…

MOSS: She probably thought she was giving you a real compliment, too.

CHOUDHURY: I know. Normally I would be so relieved, but the fact that I wasn’t wearing jeans, I thought, “Oh my god, not even when I dress up do I even attain…”

MOSS: I wouldn’t even know how to, with the Birkin bag and the high fashion. I have never, ever bought anything like that. I bought a pair of Louis Vuitton shoes for my 40th birthday. I’ve worn them a few times. I don’t love them. I’m wearing a dress I bought for $45 at Whole Foods. You know that organic line?

CHOUDHURY: Wait, has it got pockets?

MOSS: Yes. It’s just amazing cotton.

CHOUDHURY: Shut up. Pockets are everything. I’m going to buy one today.