Holiday Weekend News Roundup! Rihanna and Chris Brown; Mulberry and LDR

IT’S HER BIRTHDAY, SHE’LL HOARD FLOWERS IF SHE WANTS TO.

Happy Tuesday! Here’s our compendium of pop-culture news you may have missed while you were doing more important things over the long weekend.

• Rihanna has released the remix of her song “Birthday Cake,” with two new, NSFW verses by Chris Brown (he opens with, “Girl, I wanna fuck you right now / It’s been a long time, I’ve been missing your body”). The Internet has already said everything you could possibly be thinking about this. Ri-ri’s chorus starts with “It’s not even my birthday,” but it was, in fact, her birthday yesterday. She turned 24.  [NME]

• Fiona Apple is going on tour! She’ll be doing six dates in Manhattan, Brooklyn, Washington, D.C., Boston, Atlantic City, and Chicago. We’d like to use this news to reiterate our interest in seeing a Fiona Apple biopic starring Elizabeth Olsen. [NYM/Vulture]

• After a mysterious unplanned hiatus last week, Stephen Colbert returned to the airwaves on Monday and implied that the reason for the production suspension was due to his mother’s health—and that it’s improving. “Evidently, having 11 children makes you tough as nails,” he said. Aww. [People]

• Safe House led the long weekend box office with $28.4M, and The Vow and Journey 2 held on strong with $26.6M and $26.4M. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, a film we’re confident we had no idea was coming out, opened at number four with $25.7M, and This Means War pulled in $20.4M. [BOM]

• Mulberry, never one to let an it-girl go by without acknowledgment, debuted a bag at their London Fashion Week show named after Lana Del Rey. Del Rey shared the front row at the show with a motley crew of actors: Elizabeth Olsen, Michelle Williams, Tom Hiddleston, and some Downton Abbey folk. [THR]

• In a move that likely inspired tons upon tons of people to scramble for their DVR rewind buttons, Saturday Night Live announced in a title card on Saturday that Lindsay Lohan will be hosting on March 3. It will be her fourth time hosting, but her first time in, to be delicate, a while. [Deadline]