RORSCHACH TEST

“I’m a WASP with a WAP”: Chloe Fineman on Chloe Fineman

By
Photography Josiah Rundles
Stylist Bin X. Nguyen

Published October 16, 2020

Top by For Love & Lemons. Shorts Stylist’s Own.

Before she became a rising star on Saturday Night Live, Chloe Fineman was already one of Instagram’s most rewarding follows, an “if you know, you know” talent with a knack for impersonating the rich and ridiculous. Combining what she learned from her days as a drama student at NYU with her interest in the absurdity of celebrity culture, the wig-obsessed Bay Area native can transform into just about anyone with a Q-Rating, whether it’s nailing Carole Baskin’s portentous purr or perfecting Drew Barrymore’s lisp. Here, Fineman offers her thoughts on 14 topics chosen for her at semi-random.

———

FEATURED PLAYER

“It’s like being a freshman in high school.”

———

KATE MCKINNON

“She’s like a theater dame who’ll say, ‘Come here, young one. Let me tell you about the biz.’ She always has a cigarette in her hand, metaphorically speaking.”

———

ELIZABETH HOLMES

“Currently making a cure for COVID?”

———

SELLING SUNSET

“I fear for their lives as they’re walking up and down those stairs in those Louboutins. I did a Chrishell impression and she shared it. That was a big day for me.”

———

#FREEBRITNEY

“I worship Britney, and I really think this might be the year. If I could contribute to her emancipation from her father in any way, that would be huge. I’ve been told I look like [Spears’s sister] Jamie Lynn, which is a compliment, but I’ve always wanted to be Britney.”

———

“WAP”

“When I heard it, I kept telling my friends I had WAP, like, ‘I went to the doctor and I was diagnosed with WAP.’ Imagine a medical drama where it’s like, ‘Ma’am, you have WAP.’ “I’m a WASP with a WAP.”

———

REESE WITHERSPOON, I

“I was planning to pitch her for one of the SNL at Home ‘MasterClass Quarantine Edition’ sketches, but I couldn’t find a take that was funny because I look up to her too much. Like, how do you teach a Master Class in killing it?”

———

REESE WITHERSPOON, II

I impersonated her doing an Emmys ‘For Your Consideration’ video, and she responded with a bunch of fun emojis and wrote, ‘Just stay in character, honey.’ I found old interviews of her, like one she did with Diane Sawyer where she’s just so expressive. She said something like, ‘I gotta jump three feet into a cold pool.’ That made me laugh, so I started googling other southern phrases like, ‘Too hot for a chicken coop.’”

———

CROSSFIT

“My family is very Royal Tenenbaums–y in the sense that we’ve all taken an activity and gone extreme with it. One of my sisters is a hardcore painter; another is hardcore into CrossFit. She’s in her 50s and ranked, like, seventh in the world. I’m hardcore into wigs.”

———

WIGS

“They are hot in my murder shed right now. We’re having a heatwave and I’m worried for them. I keep online shopping because it’s the pandemic, and I forgot that one night I thought I might do Miley Cyrus or Grimes, so a few days later a crazy Harajuku wig and a Tiger King mullet came in the mail. I was like, ‘What the hell!’”

———

FASHION

“My go-to quarantine lewk has been a shirt on top and nothing on the bottom. But I think my greatest lewk of quar was in Montana. I went to a socially distanced rodeo, and I hadn’t had a lewk in months, so I got this crazy outfit in purple with fringe, and it was very fun.”

———

TARGET

“Every damn day, honey. And it’s pronounced Tar-jée.”

———

NEW YORK UNIVERSITY

“When I was there, teachers would be like, ‘Move across the stage like there’s a fist up your pussy.’ And this one teacher would be like, ‘Imagine you’re sucking a cock, okay? You’ve got them wrapped around your finger. Now throw your pussy in the ring!’ There’s probably so much sensitivity training going on there now. The way I was trained, I just don’t know if it would apply anymore.”

———

CHLOE FINEMAN

“At NYU, I went by Chloe Rose, which is so embarrassing. And then I reclaimed my Judaism.”

———

Hair: Sabrina Porsche at Mane Addicts

Makeup: Arielle Park using MAC Cosmetics