Zane Phillips on Squats, Dick Pics, and Injectables

In late September, The Flea Theater was fitted out with a set that resembled something like an influencer’s Dreamhouse for the production of Pretty Perfect Lives. The couple living within the set’s fluorescent panels, ring lights, orb lamps and a confrontational medley of taupe and grey finishes is Tiffany and Tucker, vacuous and picturesque lifestyle content creators who live-stream every moment of their day. Their romance hits thin ice when Tucker, played by Zane Phillips, comes out as bi-curious and invites a twink from Feeld over to their home to get to the bottom of things. Unable to resolve their sexual desires while also content farming prolifically, Tiffany and Tucker join an Internet Reality Simulation-Project, a fictional program that lets users jump through different realities. Given the show’s utterly contemporary subject matter, we were curious to hear its lead sound off on a litany of zeitgeist-y topics. So, in this week’s Rorschach Test, Phillips shares his thoughts on influencers, throuples, Erewhon, and the Metropolitan Transportation Authority.

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INFLUENCERS

“I hate taking photos or videos of myself. The idea of having my livelihood depend on that makes me want to jump into the ocean.“

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LYING

“Too easy sometimes.“

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SNIFFIES

“I’ve never used it, but they did send me some really cute socks.“

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CREATINE

“I don’t know if it’s made any difference, but I take it. I like that it’s tasteless.”

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BARBS

“I lead a life of fear, so I feel obligated to say nothing terrible at all about the Barbs. They could burn my house down in five minutes.“

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DICK PICS

“It’s so medical textbook to me. I think the whole person is the best part of the person. To separate individual little parts is strangely clinical to me.“

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THROUPLES

“I get hung up on the sleeping situation. Do none of them have to get up in the middle of the night to pee? Especially the one in the middle?“

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SQUATS

“Hateful, horrible, and stressful, but they simply must be done.”

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INJECTABLES

“I think I would be for them if people did them in different ways, but everyone’s doing them to look the exact same. We don’t need a whole nation of plump foxes. We need different variations in the animal kingdom.“

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EREWHON

“Actually, I have never been more angry in my life than when I went to Erewhon. I went to their little hot bar section. I think I got salmon and some rice, and maybe some extra protein or one of their sides. And it was 50 bucks. Like, what are we doing this for?“

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KIM CATTRALL

“One time, she wore a bejeweled octopus hat by Pat Field. Wow.“

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EQUINOX

“Their hours should be longer. If I am paying 300 dollars a month for you to close at 6:00 PM on a Saturday, then I’m sorry.”

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PLAYING STRAIGHT

“I’m fully on board. Queer-baiting? I’m all about straight-baiting these days. I want to start stealing some girlfriends.“

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THE MTA

“What are we going to do about it, Kathy [Hochul]? Every other train doesn’t have AC, the subway platforms are awful, and the trains are 13 minutes apart.“

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BARRON TRUMP

“Didn’t he just start at NYU? Well, he’s old enough to make fun of now.”

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