“What We Do Is Fucking Crazy”: Lea Michele, by Renée Elise Goldsberry

Exactly 30 years ago, at just eight years old, Lea Michele made her Broadway debut in the Imperial Theatre’s production of Les Miserables. Life, since then, has been characterized by a series of happy coincidences—and, of course, long hours in rehearsals and on studio lots, plus a star-making turn in a little television show called Glee. When the Emmy and Golden Globe nominee got on a call last week with fellow leading lady Renée Elise Goldsberry, who won a Tony for originating the part of Angelica Schuyler in Hamilton, she reached for her phone to demonstrate the sweet serendipity. “So here’s me at the Imperial,” she said, revealing a photo of her adolescent self in costume as Young Cosette. “But look what’s behind me.” And there it was: a Playbill for the original Broadway production of Chess, the long-awaited revival of which Michele, alongside Aaron Tveit and Nicholas Christopher, opened earlier this month (at the Imperial, where else?) Below, she and Goldsberry went deep on marriage, motherhood, pre-show jitters, and what it really takes to thrive and survive on Broadway.

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LEA MICHELE: Oh my gosh. I have a screaming baby in the other room.

RENÉE ELISE GOLDSBERRY: Yay!

MICHELE: Hi!

GOLDSBERRY: Hi. Can I start by saying that there’s nothing better about being in this business than friendships with very inspirationally beautiful people. Knowing the people that you admire is so much greater than admiring them from afar, because the things that work about our performance—outside of just the workitself—are our spirits. And yours is just gorgeous.

MICHELE: I’m so grateful for you, and you know I’ve just been your biggest fan on stage and off. And the fact that I can call you a friend, and that I have your phone number, is dangerous for you. But it just means so much to me.

GOLDSBERRY: [Laughs] Well, what I love about this opportunity is that as much as we love each other, we never really had a minute to talk by ourselves.

MICHELE: I know! Jonathan Groff is like… he’s our matchmaker.

GOLDSBERRY: Yes.

MICHELE: And when you came to Funny Girl, it was as though everything stopped, and everything you said to me just completely got absorbed into my soul. It was the fuel that I really needed to guide me through the rest of that run. 

GOLDSBERRY: Do you remember what I said? Because I probably need to hear it.

MICHELE: Well, you said a lot of things, but one thing that you said, and I will cry saying it, was: “Everything you do now will be for your children.”

GOLDSBERRY: Preach.

MICHELE: It just meant so much to me. I really always knew that everything I did was for my kids, but I think, in the past, work was to build credits and to build this career. But now I just want to be a good mom and make my kids proud. It’s not about anything else. And that is as encouraging as it is relieving, if that makes sense.

GOLDSBERRY: It absolutely makes sense. There is this idea that perhaps you have to choose between having a career and being the best mother and wife, but that’s not true.

MICHELE: They fuel each other. And honestly, I’ve never felt happier at work and more grateful. There’s a really beautiful synchronicity. And I’m just like, “Wow, it can be like this?” I can enjoy what I do and enjoy my home? I feel so profoundly grateful for that it’s overwhelming.

GOLDSBERRY: Yes. So I’ve been stalking you over the last couple days….

MICHELE: [Laughs] Let’s go, Renee. Let’s go.

GOLDSBERRY: I just realized how much we have in common, more than I knew, and I also realized how desperately the world needs your ministry in this space. I was like, “I’ve got so much to learn from this girl.” But I would love to just start with some of the things we have in common. And the first one I discovered is the secret superhero at home. Can you just tell me a little bit about your husband?

MICHELE: Oh my gosh, my husband is the greatest. I met my husband at my best friend’s wedding.

GOLDSBERRY: Really?

MICHELE: Yes, 10 years ago in two weeks. My mother had met him at my friend’s engagement party and we got in the car afterwards and she said, “I met the nicest man today.” And then a few months later at the wedding, we were seated next to each other because we were the best friend of the bride and best friend of the groom. And a few months later, when I was single, thankfully, we were set up and we remained friends for a while and then one day I was like, “Oh my god, I love you.” He’s amazing. I’m so grateful to have someone who just fully supports me and lets me be myself. He’s the most incredible father. I go to work every day and my children are so lucky to have such an amazing dad. He was a real saving grace that really saved me in my life.

GOLDSBERRY: I was just looking at your pictures and listening to you talk and I was like, “You know what? There is a man by her side that I have not met, but I bet you I know him because he’s in my house, too.”

MICHELE: At our wedding, he came out in a white Adidas track suit with a Lea Michele concert t-shirt.

GOLDSBERRY: Oh my god.

MICHELE: And he danced to “You Can Call Me Al” because his name is Alexander.

GOLDSBERRY: And my husband’s name is Alexis.

MICHELE: There you go.

GOLDSBERRY: I’m telling you, I just keep finding all these similarities, girl.

MICHELE: Did your husband do a handstand at your wedding and clap his feet?

GOLDSBERRY: Dang it. I knew there was something I was missing. He did not do that. But I did the splits and the soul train line at my wedding.

MICHELE: There you go.

GOLDSBERRY: Let’s talk about process, because that’s huge. I know how it feels to be the nighttime person, which you tend to be when you’re doing a show at night and still have to burn the candle and wake up in the morning. How do you feel?

MICHELE: The greatest thing in the world is having just had this experience coming off of Funny Girl and playing Fanny Brice, who is one of if not the hardest female role to play. It was so incredibly challenging. Coming from not doing theater for 15 years, we had just moved back to New York. I was still postpartum. It was so much, but with the incredible support of my husband and my family everyone was like, “We’ll figure it out as we go.” So now going into Chess, I have a really good handle on how much I can exert myself during the day. Some days I’ll get up and do the morning, or my husband will and I’ll sleep in an extra hour. But today I got the kids ready, took our son to school, played in the playroom with my daughter for an hour. And then at 2:00 I’ll either do some yoga, meditate, start my process a little bit. 

GOLDSBERRY: Do you nap?

MICHELE: I’m not a napper. But here’s the best thing that I’ve learned. Everything was always about being good for my show. I have to rest my voice for my show. I have to work out for my show. I’ve got to eat well for my show. I’ve got to be meditative. But now it’s like, “No, everything I do is so that I can feel good, so that I can be a good mom, so that I can be a good friend.” I want to be strong. I don’t want to lose weight during the show. I always felt that if I looked like I was struggling, then that meant I was achieving the most. But it’s like, “No, no, no. I want to be strong. I want to be all these things just for me.” And if I’m feeling good, then I’m going to be fine for my show. So by two o’clock I say, “Okay guys, it’s mom time now.” And I don’t know what it is about that that mentally helps me, but it just takes the pressure off of everything.

GOLDSBERRY: Well, I want to tell you that it works. I saw you on opening night in Chess. It was phenomenal. And I went in with very high expectations because I had already heard from Jonathan Groff that it was the most incredible experience. And it was a master class.

MICHELE: Aw, Renee. Thank you.

GOLDSBERRY: Not only did I feel that way about your performance, but I felt that way about Nick [Christopher]. I felt that way about Aaron [Tveit]. I felt that way about Bryce [Pinkham]. I felt that way about Bradley [Dean]. I felt that way about Hannah [Cruz]. And I would love to ask you about the process of this one as opposed to the process of Funny Girl, because you really were such a part of the development of the show. I mean, you didn’t just drop in and kill it.

MICHELE: Yes. I haven’t been a part of a developmental process in 20 years. Spring Awakening was the last show that I was a part of in the creation, in doing all of the workshops. I started when I was 14 and it didn’t open off-Broadway until I was 19. And again, with Funny Girl, I just jumped in and it was already running. But with Chess, I’m a lead producer for the first time in my career.

GOLDSBERRY: Goodness.

MICHELE: I’ve felt so heard and it’s been so inspiring. Coming into the rehearsal room, I called Jonathan and I was like, “Jonathan, I think I’m going to scare everyone because I am vibrating. I feel like fire is going to come out of my hands.” All of a sudden, all of this creativity just started flowing through me, and it was a very scary but exciting feeling. I really wanted to just give Florence a voice and give her some agency. And being the only girl in the room for at least the first three months, again, I felt so supported by all of these men. And there’s definitely something scary about putting something out there that you’ve really had your hands so deeply in and that you believe in so much. And the support that I get from Nick and Aaron every single night, and the safety that I feel from the two of them, is so unbelievable to feel as a performer. I just feel limitless. And I struggle a lot with—I don’t even know what to call it anymore because it’s not stage fright. It’s not anxiety.

GOLDSBERRY: Some energy that you feel that you have to defend yourself from or work through?

MICHELE: Yeah, it’s like a voice throughout the show, a voice in my head that is often just an unwelcome part of the process.

GOLDSBERRY: Yeah.

MICHELE: But again, I’ve really let it dominate my experience too often, and now I’m able to just notice that it’s there and that it exists. I’ve heard you talk about this with your experience at Hamilton, and it becomes a battle between you and your brain as you are running a show. Because what we do is fucking crazy, how we do the same thing every single day and say the same words. I mean, think about it. If you’re home and you’re saying the same word over and over again, after a while you’re going to be like, “What the fuck is a fork?”

GOLDSBERRY: Yeah, I know. Sometimes I label it as a spirit that is separate from me that’s attacking me, and that gives me the ability to have a bit of space from it. Sometimes it’s insidiously whispering in my ear.

MICHELE: That’s exactly it. It’s just a part of me that needs a little healing. But now, as I am going to be 40 in a year—

GOLDSBERRY: [Laughs] You’re a baby.

MICHELE: [Laughs] Thank you. But again, this cast and both Nick and Aaron have already made this one of if not the most enjoyable work experiences I’ve ever had. I mean, the Imperial Theater was where I made my Broadway debut 30 years ago.

GOLDSBERRY: I know. It’s so crazy. And I was also told that Chess was originally in the Imperial Theater, was it not?

MICHELE: Yes. Renee, wait, I have to show you this picture. But honestly, sometimes these things happen in the world and you’re just like, “Wait, what?” [Grabs phone]. So here’s me at the Imperial.

GOLDSBERRY: Oh my god.

MICHELE: And I’m eight. But look what’s behind me.

GOLDSBERRY: Chess! Oh my gosh.

MICHELE: Isn’t that crazy?

GOLDSBERRY: It’s meant to be.

 

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MICHELE: Isn’t that wild?

GOLDSBERRY: Oh my god. And can I just mention a couple other things we have in common?

MICHELE: Yes.

GOLDSBERRY: How long ago was Glee? 10 years ago?

MICHELE: It ended in 2015, I think, so that was 10 years ago.

GOLDSBERRY: 10 for Hamilton. That’s another thing we have in common, girl.

MICHELE: Oh my gosh.

GOLDSBERRY: Well, I just wanted to tell you what a light you are. Thank you for being so brave.

MICHELE: Oh, thank you. You’re the best.

GOLDSBERRY: Thank you for doing things that have got to be scary as shit.

MICHELE: It’s wild. It’s just been such an unbelievable journey. I was born in the Bronx. My mom’s a nurse. My dad owned a deli in the Bronx. No one in my family performed. This happened. So-

GOLDSBERRY: Oh my god. My dad owned a deli too.

MICHELE: Stop.

GOLDSBERRY: [Laughs] I’m just kidding.

MICHELE: Oh my god. I was going to reach through the screen and grab you. But when I was a kid, I said to my mom in my audition for Les Mis, “I think I’m going to get this.” And she was like, “Things like that don’t happen to people like us.” And two weeks later, I was performing on Broadway. And then television took me away for a while, which was such a beautiful time in my life. But to have the universe bring me back, I’m just so happy to be home.

GOLDSBERRY: I don’t think television took you away. I think you brought us to television. I’m not kidding. You made that a home away from home for us, and then you came back. And we’re better for it.

MICHELE: I adore you so much.

GOLDSBERRY: I love you.