A Tale of Two Teammates
When I first heard about the Super Bowl, I thought it was a ceramics fair. But it’s not, it’s even better, because at the end you get a ring with rocks that Elizabeth Taylor would gag on. On top of that, there’s a never-before-seen epidemic that’s gripping America where regular Joes just slap each other on the ass with a little yellow towel, for no reason. In olden days, a yellow towel meant something more risque—I’m glad it’s finally hit the mainstream. That’s change I can believe in.
But what I’ve really fallen for is the Arizona Cardinals’ ballad of mutual dependency featuring veteran first-stringer Kurt Warner (he’s already got a ring) and second-string cub Matt Leinart (he hasn’t gotten his yet). It’s a story unparalleled outside the Focus Features studios. Warner and Leinart have traded the first-string position since they came to share a roster, due to injuries and various on- and off-the-field disappointments. Warner is haunted by memories of his 2002 Super Bowl defeat. Leinart, who was a first-round draft pick and college football superstar, has had a tough time adjusting to the big leagues, and he’s acted out his frustration in some pretty embarrassing ways—fast cars, fast women, a guest-spot on Punk’d. But through it all, he’s acted the perfect gentleman—pictured here helping a lady with her beer bong when she most needs it. We’re sure Warner, whose web site opens with a quote from the Book of Matthew, has been a rock. Good luck boys, you deserve it!
Above: Matt Leinart with Nick Lachey, another heartbreak victim. Photo courtesy Retna. The Super Bowl is on Sunday or something.