The Guys We Fucked podcasters answer your burning sex questions…

By
Photography Dee Guerreros

Published October 19, 2017

In 2011, stand-up comedians Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson teamed up at Gotham City Improv to make New Yorkers forget about their horrific train commute with debaucherous sex stories and borderline uncomfortable personal anecdotes. The pair then launched a podcast, Guys We Fucked, which has held its top five spot on the iTunes charts ever since. The self-produced “anti slut-shaming podcast” started in 2013 and set to make the world a more sex-positive place one lubricious sex story at a time. Each week, the podcast provocateurs interview men they’ve slept with, other comedians, and people in the sex industry such as fellow anti-slut shaming hero Amber Rose. The podcast is now a community of over a million listeners worldwide who share not only fun sexual endeavors, but experiences of sexual assault, verbal and emotional abuse, and times they underwent crippling shame due to sexual exploration.

The duo recently wrapped up “Guys We Fucked: Live Experience,” a sold-out tour where they took their podcast on the road, swapping sex stories, sex nightmares and prank calling audience members’s exes. They are now preparing to go on tour for their book, F*cked: Being Sexually Explorative and Self-Confident in a World That’s Screwed, set for release October 24th. The book is their raw, arousing podcast put to paper, giving readers a mix of side-splitting and serious pillow talk. Fisher and Hutchinson wrote this book because they were “tired of books that pander to women like they’re hot messes unable to handle their emotions without the assistance of a man, a glass of rosé and a Xanax.” Since they’ve seen—and probably tried—it all, we had Interview readers submit some relationship and bedroom quandaries to our resident, sexually experienced agony aunts.

Dear Corinne & Krystyna,

I’ve been hooking up with this boy for the past few weeks, but when we don’t see each other he is very distant and weird. Last time we were together I had let him try on my ring because he liked it and I forgot to get it back before he left. He was supposed to meet me to return it but has canceled on several occasions. I then arranged for it to be picked up from his job but he had forgotten the ring at home. It’s been a week and I know that we aren’t going anywhere relationship-wise so I just want my ring back. The sex was good, but the expensive ring on my finger was even better. My friends have recommended just going to his place and getting it without warning him that I’m even coming, but I feel like that’s a bit stalker-ish. What should I do?

KRYSTYNA HUTCHINSON: Showing up at his place doesn’t seem stalkerish if you truly just want your ring back. If you had been pining for him via text and getting no response, then I’d say showing up at his place is creepy. I would text him something along the lines of, “This ring means a lot to me, if you don’t bring it to work next week I’m coming to your house to pick it up.” He might be a truly forgetful person or he might be a real piece-of-shit person. Either way, be direct with him.

CORINNE FISHER: Ha! I am so annoyed just putting myself in your shoes. I once lent some guy I was not even fucking my copy of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, never got it back, and now, over 10 years later, it still irritates me. I am on your friend’s side—you gave this guy ample opportunity to give you your ring back in a pre-planned interaction. He failed. Several times. Now, you just gotta show up. You absolutely will seem like a stalker, but you’ll be a stalker with a nice, expensive ring. Plus, who cares what this guy thinks of you at this point, anyway? He can’t even get his life together enough to return an item he asked to borrow in some weird Russell Brand phase of his sex life.

Dear Corinne & Krystyna,

Every day after school my friends come over to my place and we hang out for an hour or two. One of my friends has recently taken this as an opportunity to have her boyfriend come over so they can fuck in my basement while we all hang out upstairs. I don’t want to be a bitch or seem like I’m jealous or a prude, but I’m sick of it and would rather not have my basement used as if it were the back of the bleachers. What do I say to her to make get my point across but also not hurt our friendship?

HUTCHINSON: Not wanting your friend to fuck in your basement is a very understandable thing to not want your friend to do. I’m assuming she lives with her parents and doesn’t have another place to fuck, to which I say, Not. Your. Problem! Tell her to stop fucking in your basement!!! It’s really that simple. You can say something such as, “Hey! I’m gonna have to ask you to stop fucking in my basement.” And if she calls you a bitch or a prude or accuses you of being jealous, stop being friends with that person immediately.

FISHER: This is a simple one. Your “friend” is rude, your home is not a Motel 6. Part of knowing you’re old enough to be having sex is having a place where you can have sex that doesn’t completely disturb others (e.g. your own room with a door). You just have to say, “Hey girl, I love your love, but ya gotta stop fucking in my basement. It’s weird, it’s not hygienic, and at night right before I go to sleep I am so haunted by your moans and groans that I occasionally black out and think my home must’ve been built on an ancient Native American burial ground.” A little humor always helps me when I’m talking about things that make me feel uncomfortable.

Dear Corinne & Krystyna,

My best friend—who is basically a brother to me—is starting to get into a relationship with a man that I used to fuck before I transitioned. They’ve been talking for a while and he seems really happy with him. He doesn’t know that I used to mess around with him and the other boy doesn’t know that he’s my friend, let alone that I’m a girl now. I tried to steer him away from him but he’s in too deep. I also don’t want anyone to know that I slept with this other boy because I try to keep my life before I transitioned very private. I know this is a tough situation but was wondering if you had any advice for me?

HUTCHINSON: This is a tough one. What’s the worst thing that could come out of your best friend knowing you hooked up with his soon-to-be boyfriend and that soon-to-be boyfriend knowing you transitioned? I ask that because it’s possible you’ll run into the boyfriend seeing as he’s dating your best friend. One way to avoid running into him would be to tell your friend what happened and how it makes you feel dealing with the life you led before you transitioned. If he’s truly your best friend, he’ll be understanding about keeping his friendship with you separate from his relationship. All that being said, I recommend working out your feelings towards your life pre-transition with a therapist just in case there are things you’d be better off emotionally unpacking. I believe that every person on the planet should see a therapist at least once in their life for this very reason. While we want to protect our own feelings, the world has a way of saying, “Fuck you, deal with it!” and it’s always best to be prepared, should that moment arise.

FISHER: Ahh, the old friend falling for a guy you used to fuck. This is always a little strange, but it seems like you had a very surface-y relationship with this guy, whereas your friend seems to have actual feelings for him. While I think it would be nice to just give your BFF a courtesy heads up since it’s only a matter of time before you will all be in a room together, if you like to keep your pre-transition life private and that takes precedence in your heart, I respect that choice. Perhaps send a text or Facebook message to the guy you used to mess with? It doesn’t have to be long or passionate, just the facts. You know he’s dating your BFF, you are happy for them, you’ve transitioned, and you’ll see him soon, but you’ll be presenting as a woman when you do! But, just a heads up, there is a very good chance your BFF could still find out y’all fucked (probably from his new boo), so be ready for possible hurt feelings from your BFF that you didn’t alert him directly.

Dear Corinne & Krystyna,

My boyfriend and I only get to see each other on weekends due to the distance. During the week we sext often; it’s like five days of virtual foreplay. But when he sends me pictures or videos he never shows his face in them, which makes me think he’s sending them to other people. Am I just being crazy or do I have a reason to be suspicious?

HUTCHINSON: Have you asked him to send a photo or video with his face in it? If not, that’s step number one. But know that he might not want his face included because either of your phones might get hacked. I have a similar concern, which is exactly why the few photos I’ve taken of my naked ass body have all been faceless. Oh, and not to fan the suspicion flames, but he can still send multiple people his nudes regardless of his face being in them. You either trust him or you don’t and if you don’t, you need to have a conversation about that the next time you see him.

FISHER: I am going to begin answering your question with another question: Do you have other reasons to be suspicious? If not, this is just a common problem with people in long-distance relationships. For a long-distance relationship to work, the trust has to be rock solid, otherwise, you will drive yourself crazy. I personally don’t think it’s weird at all that his face isn’t in them and as someone who takes a lot of nudes, I never include my face. Not because I’m sending them to a list of men, but because I don’t want nudes with my face floating around the universe. And, to be honest, I have never in my life received a dick pic or even seen a dick pic from a man who was not gay that included face. And I’ve gotten a lot of dick pics. And I know a lot of gay men. I think you might just have a trust issue in general, so have an open conversation with your partner about it. To me, it seems like this isn’t really about the dick pics, it’s about something more.

Dear Corinne & Krystyna,

My girlfriend and I have been together for three years now. We live together and have even talked about getting married in the near future. I am a lesbian and she is bisexual. Recently, she’s been hinting at wanting a man to join us in bed just to try it out for some new fun. I keep shying away from it and changing the subject or laughing it off as if it’s a joke but I feel like she is serious and it’s something she really wants to try. Help!

HUTCHINSON: She is serious, otherwise she wouldn’t coyly bring it up. My question for you is, why do you keep shying away? Whatever your answer is, it’s the correct one because it’s your preference. If the idea of a man being naked with you and your girlfriend in bed freaks you out, then it doesn’t sound like something you should dip your toes into. If the idea intrigues you but you have no idea how far you’d want to actually take the possibility, that means you’re curious and it’s something that could be potentially be fun down the road. When I first realized the idea of watching my boyfriend fuck another woman turned me on, it took years to make that fantasy come to fruition. Regardless, you’re going to have to bring this up with your girlfriend. It’s either that or you keep changing the subject for the rest of your life. If you’re comfortable with the idea of marrying this woman, you should be comfortable talking about your thoughts on a FFM threesome.

FISHER: Okay, so I’m guessing the thought of being with a man for you is not too tempting the same way being with a woman for me is like, “Eh, no thank you.” Because your girlfriend is bisexual, she obviously can crave both the P and the D, but if you are in a monogamous relationship and never discussed being open or having three-ways, that really shouldn’t matter. Monogamy is monogamy no matter which or how many genitals a person is into. On the positive side, it’s so great this need surfaced before you got married because it’s something that needs to be discussed before that happens. I am not a threesome person, and, while I really do like to try most things once, am not sure if I ever want to have a threesome with someone I’m in a committed relationship with, especially if it involves someone of a sex I’m just not really sexually attracted to. This is simply a conversation you two need to have and one in which you have to be really honest, i.e.: I am a lesbian. I am not attracted to men. I probably will never be attracted to men and while I love you and fulfilling your sexual desires are a huge priority to me, this goes beyond my comfort zone. If she’s meant to be your future wife, her love for you should be stronger than her need for some D. If not, you, my friend, just sidestepped a doomed marriage.

F*CKED: BEING SEXUALLY EXPLORATIVE AND SELF-CONFIDENT IN A WORLD THAT’S SCREWED IS AVAILABLE OCTOBER 24, 2017.