Eric Schwartau

Talk Hole: The Hole Damn Year

December 22, 2021

“Caitlyn Jenner lost her governor’s race, Bennifer got back together, IKEA launched a bisexual couch, we freed Britney, and Kim Kardashian passed the bar.”

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Talk Hole: Supply Chain Me Daddy

November 16, 2021

“I’m pretty sure we are in a conservatorship with Interview.”

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Talk Hole: Kidney Girl Autumn

October 8, 2021

“I assumed Fran would have something grumpy to say about karaoke, and I was right.”

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Talk Hole: American Hole

September 17, 2021

Red, white, and hole.

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Talk Hole: Pride & Prejudice

June 22, 2021

“I can’t be the only one seeing dollar signs here.”

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Talk Hole: Virtue & Vice

May 20, 2021

Artisanal cocaine, natural wine, and locally-sourced infographics.

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Talk Hole: White Hole Summer

April 29, 2021

The masks are off, the mayoral race is on.

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Talk Hole: Of Dogs and Men

April 9, 2021

All talk, no bite.

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Talk Hole: The Princess and the Podcast

March 18, 2021

The Buckingham Palace to Dimes Square pipeline.

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Talk Hole: Can’t Get You Out of My Hole

February 25, 2021

On Adam Curtis, Scandinavian furniture, and the end of ideas.

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Talk Hole: GameStop the Presses!

February 5, 2021

The WOOFs of Wall Street are back for another column.

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Talk Hole: My Coup Runneth Over

January 14, 2021

“The sanctity of politics is gone. The sanctity of Nancy Pelosi’s gorgeous podium was just besmirched.”

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Talk Hole 2020: A Year of Guilt in Review

December 18, 2020

We did it, Joe!

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Talk Hole Says VOTE!

October 29, 2020

“If I see one more thirst trap telling me to vote (besides our own), I swear to god…”

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Live from Bushwick, It’s Two Gay Guys Splitting a Salad

October 6, 2020

As COVID returns to the White House, our columnists return to IRL column-ing. On the table: hard kombucha, hard work, and harder interruptions.

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Talk Hole: Cuties, Crypts, and Chris Evans

September 21, 2020

Live from the city of columns.


Talk Hole: AOC’s Telfar, Tulsi Tattoos, and Trumptana

August 28, 2020

The only convention recap you’ve been waiting for.

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August 14, 2020


Talk Hole: The Tara Reid Tell-All

July 24, 2020

Tara Reid (no, not that one) joins the column to talk Biden, boyfriends, and booking movie roles via LinkedIn.

Talk Hole: The Karen Kolumn

July 10, 2020

Our columnists take a trip to Karenland—and kancel the kops.