The Swiftologist Has a Message For Gaylor Conspiracy Theorists

He may be the self-proclaimed Swiftologist, and one of the few people who can say they’ve attended a Secret Session, but Zachary Hourihane will never drink the Taylor Swift Kool-Aid. The 28-year-old Singapore-based YouTuber will arm-wrestle a Swiftie about The Tortured Poets Department album rollout or how Midnights did not deserve to win Album of the Year, making him, in his own words, the “Swiftie Chun Li.” With over 167,000 subscribers keyed into his video essays—topics include how he would fix the Lover tracklist, Swift’s bizarre Kennedy era, and a deep-dive investigation into her relationship with Ellen DeGeneres—Hourihane has made a name for himself as a forensic scholar of all things Swift. As the recently engaged pop star prepares to drop her 12th studio album this Friday, we slid into The Swiftologist’s DMs to find out what he’s expecting from The Life of a Showgirl, his least favorite piece of Taylor merch, and his parting words to Gaylor conspiracists.

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SWIFTOLOGIST: Hi diva!

SIMON DWIHARTANA: Oh my god, I was literally about to text you but you beat me to it. Okay, to start: A/S/L?

SWIFTOLOGIST: 28, M, Singapore—but I’m in Valencia rn.

DWIHARTANA: What are you up to in Valencia?

SWIFTOLOGIST: Literally just here to vibe. I was on tour earlier this month in Dublin/London, popped over to Stockholm to party with some friends, and now I’m detoxing with paella and the freaky catholic relics that I luv.

DWIHARTANA: Love that. Any cute fit pics on this trip that you wanna show?

SWIFTOLOGIST: I’ve only been here for a day so I’ve worn exactly one schlepping around fit. Here’s that, but I’d like to share these cool rings I bought from a local jewelry brand called Undernomag. I like to buy a ring that reflects the ~ character of a new city to me.

DWIHARTANA: Must’ve been a long flight from Singapore. I grew up in Jakarta so I would visit SG a lot and feel like hot shit sunbathing by the Marina Bay Sands infinity pool.

SWIFTOLOGIST: Yesss I flew through Dubai — it’s like 18 hours door to door, Singapore to Dublin. MBS is an expat brat rite of passage 🤝.

DWIHARTANA: What’s the first thing you do in the morning?

SWIFTOLOGIST: Voice note my dreams to my analyst.

DWIHARTANA: Do these dreams have anything to do with the Swifties coming after you? 

SWIFTOLOGIST: I rarely dream about actual celebrities—more so entities, physical manifestations of whatever psychic trouble I’m having. So, like, a scary house next to a really normal house, and I’m stuck in the alley between them. That probably says something about my relationship to Swiftiesm now that I’ve made it part of my career. The Swifties that come to MY shows are the most based Swifties of all. Thoughtful, funny, snarky divas who want to think deeply about the media they consume.

DWIHARTANA: Exactly! Swifties who think critically and don’t just hit check out whenever she drops new merch. Screenshot the worst piece of Taylor merch you’ve encountered.

SWIFTOLOGIST: It’s so hard to choose just one 🫶🏻 the Vietnamese children are working overtime making these monstrosities. Orange cardigan just dropped for [The Life of a] Showgirl! Microplastic extravaganza. Instead of album promo 😛.

DWIHARTANA: Not the cardigan AGAIN 💀.

SWIFTOLOGIST: We’ll never be free…

DWIHARTANA: What was your first encounter with her music? 

SWIFTOLOGIST: I saw the “Our Song” music video on the MTV music video countdown in Singapore. There was something very AMERICAN about her that was incredibly appealing to me—I don’t think Americans understand how powerful the myth of their (imaginary) idyllic, suburban enlightenment is. Taylor felt very part and parcel with, like, a form of neoliberalism that really drew me to America as a place to live and “make it” on my own. This was, of course, further reinforced heavily by her NYC era. 

DWIHARTANA: And what made you a stan?

SWIFTOLOGIST: What made me a stan was how easily it felt like I could copy/paste her life experiences onto my own. Sometimes I trusted her to feel something before I did. I didn’t come out during high school, so I missed a lot of that, like, integral courting/miniature drama experience that everyone else gets to have. But I could live that through her music, if you get what I mean.

DWIHARTANA: I get what you mean. We can’t deny that she’s America’s sweetheart. You’ve been to one of her secret sessions. Spill. And mind sending some pics from it?

SWIFTOLOGIST: I DO have an entire video on the secret sessions that is quite involved so perhaps I’ll plug that instead of rehashing. But it was genuinely an incredible experience. Like, peak Swiftieism. It’s like if you were a Christian and heaven was real and you got to preview it in life before death. I have some fun pics I don’t think are out there—it’s a picture of a wristband that says Nashville and a photo of her kiss on my cheek! She asked me to check her lipstick on the way out, and I said “Fab,” and she yanked me back in and kissed me like… behind my ear. Rock n’ roll.

DWIHARTANA: Insane. Thoughts on the engagement and the reveal of it all? 

SWIFTOLOGIST: Corny and cunty. Classic Taylor. Lots of people cringing at the caption but like… what did we expect? It doesn’t surprise me that she required the largest rock in all the land. I thought it was kind of tacky at first but then was like…what the fuck else is she gonna get? We can’t be having the “Travis is broke” allegations.

DWIHARTANA: Who do you think will be and will not be in her wedding? 

SWIFTOLOGIST: I think we can expect her stable gal pals in the bridal party: Ashley Avignone, Abigail [Anderson Beard], maybe Selena Gomez, Gigi Hadid. I can’t tell if she’s gonna go huge bridal party or small. 

DWIHARTANA: Where is Blake Lively in all of this?

SWIFTOLOGIST: Blake Lively is a non-factor to me ATM. Conversation around her is bordering Meghan Markle/Amber Heard levels of derangement so I just don’t discuss it as a general rule. We had a psycho attack about her at our Nashville show so I learned my lesson.

DWIHARTANA: Oh my god. What happened at the Nashville show?

SWIFTOLOGIST: Our crowd work part of the live show is a segment on the podcast Phone a Snake, where we have our listeners call in with their unpopular opinions and roast them (lovingly). This one girl decided it was time to take me to task on Blake Lively after the two videos I made about her in December and would not let it go. The mic got passed around, and she stood up and shouted I’M NOT DONE YET and kept ranting and raving.

DWIHARTANA: STOPPP. Who do you think will design her wedding gown?

SWIFTOLOGIST: Great question. I’m not super familiar with bridal but like…Vera Wang? She’s worked with Oscar De La Renta a lot in the past, so that wouldn’t be far-fetched to me. Ideally, something cunty like the Schiaparelli gown she wore to the Grammys, but I have a feeling she’ll go the traditional/more boring route. Hopefully she doesn’t take inspo from her new bestie, Brittany Mahomes, who essentially got married in a 2013 triangle bikini.

DWIHARTANA: Oh hell no. What do you have to say to the Gaylor conspiracists now?

SWIFTOLOGIST: Kill yourselves.

DWIHARTANA: Well-said.

SWIFTOLOGIST: JK, I guess. QAnon for liberal white women. Enjoy that!

DWIHARTANA: Let’s talk a bit about the new record. Thoughts on ditching Jack Antonoff for Max Martin?

SWIFTOLOGIST: Huge. I’m a fan of this reorientation! Though I’m not a JA hater. I’ve seen a lot of negativity towards him on TikTok, and I think it’s unfair to blame him for the sameness we’ve seen in the sonic landscape of Taylor’s work. Jack is very much a go-with-the-flow kind of collaborator who really lets his artist lead the way, so I’d blame Taylor for not being adventurous in that regard. I wasn’t personally annoyed by their continued work together. I generally really like it and enjoy what he brings out of her storytelling. Max Martin, however, has a completely different approach: he’s all math & melody, the story, structure, and narrative is very much secondary. I think Taylor may have found that restricting post-Reputation, but she’s correctly identified that her next creative challenge is reintroducing bumper rails.

DWIHARTANA: Based on your predictions, how would you describe the sound of the new record in three words?

SWIFTOLOGIST: Swedish, cunty, psychotic?

DWIHARTANA: Love it. 

SWIFTOLOGIST: He’s a super versatile producer. While he does have “signatures,” I think he generally has a light touch. Max Martin songs are way more identifiable to me than Jack Antonoff numbers. 

DWIHARTANA: That’s true. Which track from The Life of a Showgirl are you claiming?

SWIFTOLOGIST: “Elizabeth Taylor.” It’s the meth head twin flame to “Clara Bow” and I’m ready to receive it. 

DWIHARTANA: I’m claiming the title track right now since I’m still riding the Man’s Best Friend high. Why do you think Sabrina Carpenter is involved in the title track? 

SWIFTOLOGIST: I think Sabrina is the only comparable star on Taylor’s level right now that’s actively releasing music. She’s repeatedly claimed her as a mini-me, and she’s hot off the tail of her own 1989 era—and is rather successfully extending it, against all the odds of ephemeral pop stardom in 2025. I’d be curious to hear what their collective meditation is on how it’s like to be their kind of famous. Main pop girl energy is a very specific experience. I think Sabrina’s going to kill Coachella. She’s at the perfect time in her career and her staging/set design/and now, the amount of hits she has to support a set of that length and magnitude is all coming together very nicely. 

DWIHARTANA: Send over the last meme you screenshotted.

DWIHARTANA: From all these years of being a Swiftie, what do you think is her all time best easter egg?

DWIHARTANA: Was that for Red?

SWIFTOLOGIST: Of course!

DWIHARTANA: That’s fire. I feel like Taylor to you is what Lana is to me and I always find myself listening and embodying an era of hers for a period of time, depending on my mood. So, what’s your Taylor era right now? 

SWIFTOLOGIST: That’s such an interesting question. Having not heard the album yet whatsoever and going completely off of context clues and my current circumstance this year (lots of touring), I feel as though I may be in my Showgirl era. Otherwise, maybe 1989? Things have taken off for me professionally this year. There’s girlbossing afoot.

DWIHARTANA: Send a screenshot of what your Pinterest board looks like when you first open it.

SWIFTOLOGIST: This is my Pinterest. Showgirl content, Addison’s tour & 90s Armani style tailoring. Kind of my life RN.

DWIHARTANA: I know that on the days you’re not the Swiftologist, you’re the Lanaologist, and I definitely have some thoughts on your video about her Wembley show. But I don’t think we should fight on our first (online) date. What are your thoughts on the title reveal, Stove?

SWIFTOLOGIST: Let’s not ♥️ Stove is a horrific title for an album and is completely in line with the tea that Lana has been serving for the last year or so, which is decidedly trashy trad wife. So if that’s your yum… enjoy!

DWIHARTANA: Okay, let’s not go there. This is how I want to leave this off. FMK: Taylor’s album covers for Red, Reputation, and 1989.

SWIFTOLOGIST: F Reputation, Marry 1989, kill Red. And that hurts me deeply. I’m being objectivologist.

DWIHARTANA: Tea. Now, overall albums: Midnights, Red, 1989.

SWIFTOLOGIST: Kill Midnights, Fuck 1989, Marry Red.