Ben Schwartz Knows How to Rock A Towel Jacket

Published June 4, 2019

All photos by Rick Kern/Getty Images. Courtesy Dos Equis.

The towel jacket is a curious hybrid: a happy, if not a bit dysfunctional, marriage between bathtime (that holy ritual of physical and spiritual cleansing) and fete-going (that holier ritual of mingling among crowds and sipping politely on liquor as you gradually regret your decision to leave the house in the first place). For those moments of self-doubt, social anxiety, and heavy drinking, one requires only the most spectacular formalwear, complete with a portable fridge in the form of a fanny pack. What seems like a Dos Equis promotional item that we’ve never heard of—to be debuted at “a fashion show at an Austin, TX bar and then be available online for an equally ridiculous price”—is, in fact, a quiet revolution. And if anyone can pull it off, it’s comedian Ben Schwartz—also known as Jean Ralphio, one-half of Middleditch and Schwartz, and the voice of Sonic the Hedgehog in the highly-anticipated upcoming live action film starring Jim Carrey. He took a moment to walk us through all the essential steps of rocking this summer’s hottest hybrid couture, from bath mat to funeral.

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Step 1: Become a Walking Fashion Icon 

“You’re going to pop this bad boy up on top. So, you’ve got towel on top, bath mat on bottom. And give yourself two sponges for shoes. Take two sponges, get two things of masking tape, pop them over your feet, and you’re just basically a walking fashion icon, and also a health hazard. Definitely a health hazard, because all the germs have been really working off on that bath mat. The towel jacket is brand new, so you’re fine, but all the other things I’ve named are pretty disgusting by now. We are talking high fashion. We are talking Met Gala. We are talking black tie only, but you’re wearing a white towel that looks like a fancy jacket. So, if you want to get married but also swim, you’re fine.” 

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Step 2: Pop On a Six Pack 

“We have something called a Fanny Fridge. The Fanny Fridge can hold a six pack, so you can pop it on and walk around with a six pack. Which makes that sound like fun, but if you really think about it, all the beers or the sodas or whatever you’re having are going to get shaken up, and by the time you get to them, they’re going to be real shaken.” 

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Step 3: Join the Mile High Club

“You get your fanny fridge, put it on an international flight, and have that flight leave a little after yours, so you can get there beforehand. And then when it comes to Heathrow, with open arms, you can embrace the fanny fridge.”

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Step 4: Wear It to All the Hottest Funerals

“I have a funeral coming up, and I’ll get quite thirsty, because it’s an outdoor event. When I get emotional I cry, and I will need something to mop it up. So, I’m thinking about wearing it there, but I’m not quite certain. I’ve got to look nice. The person who passed away loved the beach, loved six packs of things. It’s a match made in literal heaven.”