Stassi Schroeder and Lala Kent entered the Bravo universe, ruled by fabulous outspoken housewives, as SURvers — that is, servers at Lisa Vanderpump’s Sexy Unique Restaurant on Vanderpump Rules— and quickly gained popularity due to their unhinged mouths, often controversial opinions, and melodramatic blow-ups. Schroeder claimed her throne as #PumpRules princess after her multiple, highly-memorable, and meme-able “It’s my birthday” meltdowns starting from season one. Kent joined the SUR team later on in season four, but nonetheless, she’s cemented her spot in the legacy of Vanderpump with her devil-may-care attitude, and that one fight with a DJ over pasta — which, of course, had nothing to do with pasta.
Both Schroeder and Kent have come a long way since they first crossed paths at SUR. Aside from earning a soft spot in Lisa Vanderpump’s diamond heart (a tough feat), they’ve built a true friendship born out of their love for fast food and girl power. While filming Pump Rules, Schroeder wrote a book about being basic, and Kent is a working actress who launched her own beauty line, #GiveThemLala. As the show’s 7th season comes to an end, we asked both Schroeder and Kent to do what they do best: give their opinions on some topics chosen at semi-random — from “vajazzling” to North West to Lucy Lucy Apple Juicy.
ON JAX TAYLOR
STASSI: Oh man, that’s a loaded name right there. [Laughs.] He’s an enigma, that’s my gut reaction. You know, everyone keeps asking me all the time, “has he really changed?” and all of this stuff. I can honestly say that I have genuinely seen the biggest change in him and I will put my life on the line with that. If he proves me wrong, that’s really going to suck and I’m going to lose all credibility.
LALA: With Jax, I don’t know him like Stassi — she knows him in all shapes and forms.
LALA: [Laughs.] I just connected with him this season because we had a common bond. But even for me, I see a massive change. He seems to be a little bit more present and in touch with the fact that he is grown and life is moving forward. I feel the same way, like total transformation. When I think of Jax, I think transformation.
STASSI: I’m just thankful that he started smoking weed. He’s become so much nicer.
LALA: He’s not telling me to suck dick for Range Rovers anymore.
ON THEIR PREFERRED PASTA SHAPES
STASSI: Any of the superhero shapes that Kraft comes out with. The cheese gets in all the crevices, 100 percent.
LALA: Oh my God, you’re so extra. I’m going to say angel hair.
STASSI: That’s very elegant of you, Lala.
LALA: I’m pretty bougie.
ON THAT “LUCY LUCY APPLE JUICY” INCIDENT
STASSI: I think everyone is a little guilty in this. I don’t think there are any saints in this situation, and I will stand by that. I think that Teddi [Mellencamp] came clean, finally. She’s already owned her shit. They’re skating over the whole Dorit thing. All of a sudden she became a victim and I’m like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa.” She’s the one who gave up the dog, so she’s guilty. And I mean, Lisa, her hands aren’t clean. I don’t know what she did, but there’s no way that her hands are fully clean. The only thing I think about is the wellbeing of the animal.
LALA: Here’s my opinion on the whole thing. Let’s take away the fact that they were using this dog to make people look bad. At the end of the day, this was a dog that was rescued from a Chinese meat festival. If you didn’t like the dog and it didn’t work out, pick up the damn phone, call Lisa Vanderpump, and take the dog back. Dorit is 100 percent at fault.
ON FLYING PRIVATE
STASSI: One of the best experiences of my life. Love it. I wish I could do it all the time. When we all went on it with Lala, one of the times we could turn the chairs around, set up an iPad and put on whatever movie we wanted. We had tons of blankets, drink, eat, chill. I felt like I was in my living room. Oh my God.
LALA: Stassi belongs on a private jet. There is nothing better than a private plane. For me, at least, being on a private plane is pretty luxurious, but it’s everything that goes into it. No security. I don’t have to watch what I’m packing. I don’t have to show up to the airport early. That part is what makes flying private incredible.
STASSI: Mixed feelings on this because I don’t really like touching people or being in big crowds. Coachella gives me anxiety. And everybody all of the sudden pretending like they’re hippies — it’s really uncomfortable. Like, you’re not like this in real life. Why are you wearing a flower crown? But it can be a shit-ton of fun, especially when you have artist passes and a golf cart.
LALA: I think Coachella is one of the most overrated things that I’ve ever been a part of. I’ve done it the most regular way, and I’ve done it the most epic way, and I think I come off as bougie, but all I want to do is lay in my bed with my blankie and watch TV. I don’t want to be around a bunch of people that suddenly think they’re superstars because they have a million followers.
ON THEIR FAVORITE JUNK FOOD
STASSI: I’m going to go with Taco Bell, or anything that I can put ranch on.
LALA: I think I would say mine is like Del Taco.
STASSI: Really? Dude.
LALA: They have the best soft shell tacos ever, and they also have burgers. Way fresher than Taco Bell.
STASSI: Going to have to try and turn me. That is the first thing we’re really disagreeing on.
LALA: No, I’m going to turn you. Let’s have a night where we bring del Taco and Taco Bell, and we’ll switch it all up and then we’re going to take a vote.
ON BAR DJs
STASSI: The fucking worst. These days bar DJs are the same thing as 22-year-old Instagram models who have like 15-inch waists and like giant butts.
LALA: You just won the whole game with that.
STASSI: It’s just weird to watch people up on stage playing other people’s music and even it’s not even a real stage. And all you have is like a podium with a laptop and an iPod. If Brody Jenner and all of them can just be famous DJs, then my future unborn child in my womb could be deejaying.
ON THE “GIRL CODE”
STASSI: I’m all about girl code. I’m a girl’s girl, I’m a woman’s woman. You always have to have your girls’ backs — I’m all about it. Nothing else I can say about the code.
LALA: Here’s where it gets sticky. As people, women that promote women empowerment and girl code — if they’re mean to any girl, it discredits everything they stand for, and that’s where I have a problem. Just because you are a woman and have a vagina or identify as a woman, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going to have your back if you’re an asshole.
STASSI: I had a really good time when I did it. I loved the sparkles on my vag, and I would do it again. It’s like a crown on your vagina.
LALA: I’ve never tried it, but I’m so extra I would totally do it.
STASSI: Lala would probably vajazzle her butthole.
LALA: I was just gonna say that because I think it’s fun to like hit it from behind. So it would be like a pretty little crown.
ON NORTH WEST
STASSI: I love her, honestly, like goals. Her dancing skills, her confidence. I mean she’s never going to be like a normal person probably, but like who cares?
LALA: She’s the offspring of Kimye. She’s fabulous. She rocks these, like, stellar sunglasses. Seriously. When I see her, I save the image so that I can copy the outfit. I look forward to every Sunday, so I can watch Kim’s church videos of North’s dancing.