El Chapo is currently married to Emma Coronel Aispuro, a 26-year-old beauty queen and the daughter of one of his drug colleagues. We'd like to see Victoria Justice get an Oscar nomination for a breakout performance as Aispuro.  

Mexican actress Kate del Castillo helped arrange Penn’s meeting with El Chapo. In case she should also have qualms about playing herself, we’d like to suggest Mia Maestro, who we cast in essentially the same role in the adaptation of Don Winslow’s fictional account of the Sinaloa Cartel, The Cartel.

Jan Wenner owns and co-founded Rolling Stone, the magazine which published Penn's interview. We think Wenner should be played by Dennis Quaid.

Something tells us Sean Penn won't want to play himself, but no need to panic. We think Oscar Isaac would make a better Sean Penn anyway.

We're not sure Luis Guzmán will want to play El Chapo—he's played drug lords before, so maybe he's ready to move on—but he's still our first choice for the role. We think he'd be so good at capturing the vanity (trying to get your own biopic produced while in hiding from the world) that brought down El Chapo. Since Guzmán is generally relegated to supporting roles, this would also give him a nice opportunity to show what he can do and maybe win him an award or two in the process.

Ismael Zambada García, aka El Mayo Zambada, is another leader of the Sinaloa Cartel, and probably the HBIC following El Chapo's recent arrest. In real life, Zambada is about 10 years older than El Chapo, but we think a younger, hungrier, and generally flashier rival would make a more compelling drama. We're turning Zambada into a man in his mid to late 30s played by Spanish actor Miguel Ángel Silvestre.