Every film needs a leading lady (screenwriting 101, Mr Verne). To fulfill this requirement and facilitate the use of flashbacks, we are going to turn Captain Nemo’s dead wife into a more active character. Not an original choice, but really, who better than Freida Pinto to play the Indian beauty?

Professor Pierre Aronnax is a respected French marine biologist and the story's narrator. We would like James Bond's most thoughtful incarnation, Daniel Craig, to take on the part.

Captain Nemo is by far 20,000's most famous character: a sort of Odysseus (had he made it back to Ithaca a little later to find his wife and son had been murdered) figure. Played in the past by James Mason and Omar Sherif, Captain Nemo's nationality is a point of contention among 20,000 enthusiasts. Author Jules Verne allegedly intended Nemo to be of Polish origin and his family slaughtered at the hands of the Russians. Verne's editor, however, suggested that Verne pick a less polemic villainous force (France was allied with Russia at the time); captain Nemo became the Indian Prince Dakkar and the Russians became evil English colonists. We are going to honor Verne's editor's wishes so that we can cast future Spiderman 4 villian, Irfaan Khan, as our Nemo.

The last member of our heroic submarine-faring triumvirate is Ned Land, the Canadian harpoonist. We are going to interpret "Canadian" as "French-Canadian" so that we may cast French heartthrob Guillame Canet as the pugnacious hunter.

Conseil is Professor Arnoux' loyal sidekick—his Robin or Watson, if you will. In the 1954 Disney adaptation, Conseil was played by Peter Lorre, aka the man who scared us for life when our parents thought it would be a good idea to show Arsenic and Old Lace to their small children. In an effort to protect today's children, we have decided to cast Conseil as he is described in the script: "a true, devoted Flemish boy" with only "one fault" (he has a habit of speaking in the third person). We nominate newcomer Logan Lerman as our Conseil.

It's no secret that we are big fans of American Horror Story; consequently, we are going to give favorite philandering, ghost-plagued psychiatrist Dylan McDermott a nice little cameo as Captain Farragut, the "good-looking" commander of the Abraham Lincoln ship.