Back in 2008, Perez Hilton devoted a lot of blogging energy to promoting Gaga's music and image. He has kindly offered to play himself.

We sort of spoiled this one, but no one can play Joe Calderone like Lady Gaga herself.

Rob Fusari allegedly accidentally came up with Stefani's moniker, Lady Gaga, when his phone autocorrected the title of a Queen song, Radio Gaga. We think that Jared Leto has just the right combination of charm and sleaze to play Gaga's manager-turned-boyfriend-turned-lawsuit plaintiff.

Lady Gaga's mother is quite sleek and stylish, albeit in a very conventional, blonde, non-Alexander McQueen-lobster-shoe-wearing way. We nominate Michelle Pfeiffer to take on the role of Mrs Germanotta.

He might be a little older than the real Mr. Germanotta, but only Joe Pesci could pull off Gaga's father.

Initially, we planned on casting Stefani Germanotta as her primary alter-ego, Lady Gaga—it's very postmodern—but then we realized there would be no one to play Joe Calderone! Gaga could arguably play both roles (we did say that we weren't going to consider budget), but this is Lifetime; they can't afford that fancy Parent Trap trick! We think that Sarah Michelle Gellar could be a great Gaga alternative. After all, she did sing in that one musical Buffy episode.