Chip's downfall comes when he has an ill-advised affair with Melissa, one of his freshmen students. If she can squeeze the part into her busy schedule, Jennifer Lawrence would shine as the 18-year-old seductress.

Denise, the youngest Lambert, is in some ways the most well-adjusted member of the clan—but that doesn't keep her from having affairs with both her married boss and his wife. HBO veteran Lauren Ambrose could perform the role with aplomb.

We like boyish, incredibly talented Casey Affleck for disgraced former professor Chip, the black sheep middle child.

Aaron Eckhart's got the looks, the confidence, and the edge to play depressed investment banker Gary, the eldest of the Lambert siblings.

Lambert matriarch Enid is neurotic, difficult, and totally overwhelmed by her family—Dianne Wiest could perform this part in her sleep.

Tom Wilkinson has an incredible range, so he'd be perfect as Lambert patriarch Alfred, a repressed railroad engineer suffering from Parkinson's Disease.