Lady Gaga’s New Year’s Eve Mystery Announcement: Our Guesses

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Published December 29, 2010

 

WILL GAGA ANNOUNCE THAT SHE’S GOING INTO THE SHORT-ORDER WAITRESS BUSINESS FOR REAL? WHAT DOES THAT HAIR PHONE KNOW THAT WE DON’T?

“Merry Christmas little monsters!,” began Lady Gaga’s Christmas Day tweet, which promised a special announcement about her next album, 2011’s Born This Way, to fans who are desperately awaiting its debut. The announcement, according to Gaga, will occur at the stroke of midnight this New Year’s Eve. Signed MM, or Mother Monster, this cruel Gaga cliffhanger regarding her upcoming album—sure to be held to an impossibly high standard after The Fame (2008) and The Fame Monster (2009)—is frustratingly vague, leaving infinite possibilities. The only one that can be ruled out is that she’ll announce the album’s title; she originally planned to announce the title on New Year’s Eve, but ended up spilling the beans during her VMA speech in September. Below, our conjectures for what New Year’s Eve might have in store for Gaga and her monsters…

She’ll announce the Born This Way album release date. This seems the most likely, but disappointingly obvious, and a Tweet about an announcement about a release date is just too many layers of hype for us to deal with. Odds: 2 to 1
 
After telling Rolling Stone she’d get a tattoo of the album title, she’ll finally release photos of it scribbled across her inner thigh. We’ve already seen the unicorn tattoo, and have the feeling that if more ink had been spilled under Gaga’s skin, ink would also have been spilled about it in tabloids already—in case you need reminding, her everyday outfits don’t leave much to the imagination, and we’re sure a paparazzo would’ve figured out a way to snap a picture of any new tattoo. Unless it’s in a very intimate place… Odds: 5 to 1
 
She’ll debut the cover art. We’re dying to see it, and hoping she’ll go the Kanye route and enlist George Condo to design it. Odds: 3 to 1
 
She’ll announce collaborations with Yo-Yo Ma, Bruce Springsteen, and a group of Taiwanese children. Because Beyoncé is so 2010. Odds: 50 to 1

She’s planning continuous live coverage of the album tour, available 24/7, We Live in Public-style. And still, still, we’ll want more! Odds: 120 to 1
 
She will set herself on fire. Just straight-up set herself on fire. And that will be the “announcement.” Odds: 200 to 1
 
New breakthroughs in science will allow her to grow a real set of fangs. Thus, she’ll be gifting the world the first-ever genuine vampire recording. Odds: 350 to 1