RORSCHACH TEST

Justin Theroux on Tabloids, Open Tabs, and Real New Yorkers

Justin Theroux. All Clothing by Ermenegildo Zegna XXX. Necklace, Ring, and Watch Justin’s Own.

When it comes to the business of Hollywood, Justin Theroux has done it all. He’s had bit parts in cult classics (Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion, I Shot Andy Warhol). He’s played the villain in a summer blockbuster (Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle). He’s worked with David Lynch—twice (Mulholland Drive, Inland Empire). He’s led a prestige television drama (HBO’s The Leftovers). And he’s done it all while writing screenplays for major movies such as Tropic Thunder, Iron Man 2, and Rock of Ages. And yet, the 49-year-old actor and screenwriter, who will appear next in the Apple TV+ series The Mosquito Coast, as well as A24’s psychological thriller False Positive, is perhaps most closely associated with his adopted hometown of New York City, where he can be seen walking his pit bull Kuma around Washington Square Park, or hanging out at Ray’s, the downtown bar he co-owns. Here, Theroux shoots the breeze on 17 sort of, but not totally, random topics.

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KUMA

“It’s the only relationship in my life where I think absolute and total commitment to codependency is not just acceptable, but should be nurtured.”

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OPEN TABS
(BARS)

“I love any establishment that will give you an open tab. It shows a certain amount of trust in a city that’s short on it, especially in a bar where you’re probably trusting someone with a drinking problem. To that end, I love moments in New York when you forget your wallet at the deli or hardware store and they say, ‘Just pay me next time.’ Walking out of somewhere without a receipt makes your neighborhood feel like your family.”

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OPEN TABS
(COMPUTERS)

“There are a few things that are big red flags for me. People who injure their feet or legs more than once a year, people with severely cracked phone screens for longer than ten days, and anyone with fresh burns on their hands who doesn’t work in a kitchen, a forge, or the fire department. All these things indicate you might be in unsafe hands. Too many open tabs on a browser falls into that category.”

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MANLINESS

“I loathe that word from most, if not all, angles. It conjures up a kind of unhealthy competitiveness in men. It’s like ‘macho,’ or ‘man up,’ other terms I loathe. I could go on and on about how manliness needs to be updated or redefined. I don’t think I could even tell you what the most manly thing I’ve done is, if anything at all. If I was writing some big think-piece on it, its thesis would probably arrive at the conclusion that men need to be given more permission to be emotional. I almost always find it incredibly touching when grown men cry.”

 

 

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FINAL DRAFT

“The program? It’s like iTunes. It was buggy, then it was perfect, and now it’s infuriating. It would also make a great title to some screenwriter’s autobiography.”

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OUTDOOR DINING

“This winter, New York really had a ‘Berlin Christmas festival’ vibe, which was nice, but I’m not particularly a fan of eating in the cold. Forget space heaters, they need to perfect heated seats. That being said, I’m down with anything that rescues New York restaurants.”

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FAUXHAWKS

“It’s the temporary tattoo of haircuts and was an incredibly funny, lukewarm early-aughts trend for people who couldn’t commit to the real thing. Anything you can quickly cut off to return to ‘normal’ isn’t really that hard a look. Whereas with a real mohawk, if you cut it off, you’re bald. That said, I had one in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, but now I’m bragging.”

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PERSONAL ICONS

“My mom. I could go on, and will at some point. Aside from her, personal icons would be anyone who truly dedicates their lives to rescuing animals. I’m not looking for an ‘aw’ here, I really am just blown away by them. They have an incredible mix of extreme selflessness and an ability to see heartbreaking and seemingly hopeless situations, and yet carry on with their work. I don’t know how they do it. Respect.”

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LEFTOVERS

“I always wish I have leftovers waiting for me in my fridge when I get home. But when I do, I just wish I had them when they were newer, which kind of defeats the purpose of the whole concept. It would also be a cool name for a TV show.”

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ADAPTATION

“That’s broad, but if we’re talking about the ability to adapt a screenplay, it has to be forced on me, and when it is, I’m usually grateful it was.”

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TATTOOS

“I find this a boring subject in general, but oh well. I have a ton of them. I kind of hate getting asked about them, which might indicate I regret them, but I don’t. I guess it begs the question, ‘Why did I get them in the first place?’ I’ve tried to get them in mostly unseen places to avoid conversations about them. Also, talking about your tattoos is like telling someone about a dream you had. Maybe interesting for you, but super boring for them. I also think people with no tattoos are stunning, since it’s so rare now. I can’t remember, but I think it was Oscar Wilde who said, ‘Nothing should reveal the body but the body.’ I could be wrong but I don’t disagree, particularly when people are young. When you look that fresh, you don’t need ornaments.”

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QUEER EYE

“I have one, for sure.”

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AMY SEDARIS

“She owes me money. She also always wants to get dinner, but then I have to cook it for her. She hasn’t made me a meal in ages, which we’re going to have to talk about at some point. When I cook for her, she always asks if I need her to bring anything over from the grocery store, and when I do, she makes Adam Selman get it and then she usually splurges on the lemons or the ice. Total cheapskate. That being said, she’s my favorite dinner guest, always.”

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SWEATPANTS

“If worn outside when not exercising, they’re a man’s way of shrugging without having to actually do it. It’s like waving the white flag.”

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REAL NEW YORKERS

“Oh, man. I don’t think it’s how many years you’ve lived here, or even whether you were born here. You just know when you are one, and you can certainly spot someone who’s not when you meet them. There’s a lot of interlopers.”

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DAVID LYNCH

“Where to begin. Among other things, kind, funny, and a maestro. In any order you like.”

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TABLOIDS

“No.”

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Groomers: Kumi Craig using La Mer at The Wall Group and DJ Quintero at The Wall Group

Production: Perris Cavalier at The Morrison Group

Fashion Assistant: Gregory Miller

Tailor: Lars Nordensten at Lars Nord Studio

Special Thanks: Freehand New York