Interview

MOOALLEM: When do you think things really changed for you in terms of your relationship with the idea of being a movie star?

RYDER: I was never strategic really, but back when I was starting out no one cared. In the acting community, box office didn’t matter. I really think it was a mistake when they started paying people like $20 million to do a movie because now it’s all people think about. Is she worth it? Is he worth it? That’s got to be a rough feeling. I’ve never been paid anywhere near that, but it does sort of take away from the movie because no one else is getting paid like that. And then, as an actor who is paid that much money, you have to maintain this thing. I think, in a way—even if it was a little bit subconscious—when that started happening I really didn’t want to be a part of it. Maybe it was just out of fear, like I don’t want to hear someone say, “Is she worth it?” But also there’s this vibe of camaraderie on the set if everyone is doing it for the art of it. The great directors understand that, and aren’t just sitting there reading the trades and wondering how we can make this the most commercial film ever made. I mean, on this one I did, The Private Lives of Pippa Lee, the director, Rebecca Miller, was so amazing. On most of the other movies I’ve done, you’re just constantly aware that they don’t have the time or the money, and you just feel that pressure. But Rebecca just really kept it away from us—even though I’m sure it was there. Then there’s also this thing with actors—and we all talk about this, even like really big actors—and it is what happens when the movie ends and you’re just sitting at home. If you’re a musician, you can practice your guitar every day and write songs, but when you’re an actor, you can’t just like burst into a monologue. Your only exercise is when you’re in prep or you’re working. If you know you’re going to do a movie in a couple months, then you can start researching and developing your character and stuff. But most actors don’t know what you’re going to do next, so you get into this thing where you have to sort of force yourself to have another life outside of acting. And then, as soon as you start something in this sort of normal life that you’re trying to live, you get a job. So you have this sort of constant struggle because you want to be able to commit to things and to finish things in your life, but then you also want to be able to act.

MOOALLEM: Do you still write?

RYDER: Yeah. I write pretty much every day, but I don’t have any desire to publish anything. I mean, years ago, I wrote this short story, and it got -published in some really tiny zine. I did it under another name. But it was the greatest feeling because people talked about it and they didn’t know it was me. I can’t even describe the feeling. It was like, -people liked it, but none of my baggage got in the -way . . . But I do still write. There’s something about it that I just keep coming back to. I actually just -finished American Pastoral, which I didn’t read when it came out, but I really love Philip Roth. When I was reading it, I was just thinking about how these great fiction writers can write so beautifully and painfully about something that they didn’t experience. It’s just amazing to me.

MOOALLEM: Well, it’s interesting that you say that, though, because you kind of do that in a different way as an actress. You constantly have to find ways to access things that you haven’t necessarily experienced.

RYDER: I guess that’s true. I remember, when I did The Crucible [1996], there was literally nothing from my own life that I could call upon—-nothing even remotely close. But I have had that experience before, certainly on period pieces, which I love doing. I’ve learned so much making those movies. For six months, I’d study. I’d learn things like the etiquette, or what the medicinal things were at the time, or why, when you walk into an old Victorian house, the room to the right, with the chaise lounge, was designed for fainting, so women could go and pass out. I just loved soaking that up. But I’d done a few period pieces in a row, and then
I got the script for Reality Bites [1994], and literally it was all about the fact that I could wear jeans. Oh god, corsets . . . They’re great for your performance because then you feel so repressed, but they take their toll. I would love to get back in one, though.

MOOALLEM: The Catcher in the Rye comes up a lot in your old interviews. Are you still a big fan?

RYDER: I was and still am. It’s weird because when you first read that book, it’s so personal and you feel like you’re the only one who feels that way, and then you realize that everyone has had that experience with it. But Holden Caulfield was like my best friend when I was a teenager. Salinger is someone whose work I just love so much, and I totally respect how protective he has been about his privacy. My dad saved every New Yorker that J.D. Salinger ever had a story in. Actually, one thing happened . . . I’ve never actually told anyone this, but when I was 19, some, um, [pauses] my boyfriend at the time bought me at an auction a Christmas card that Salinger wrote someone in the ’50s. It was literally just like, “Merry Christmas!” But Salinger’s signature was on it. I kept the card for a few years but I felt so guilty, like he wouldn’t want me to have this, so one day I decided I was going to send it back to him. I wrote this letter, and I tried not to gush, but I was like, “Dear Mr. Salinger. I received this as a gift because I’m a big fan, but I want to return it to you because I respect your privacy.” And then, sometime later, I got a thank-you letter.