As you can tell from the trailer, the cast of Valentine's Day is notable for both its size and beauty. With such a wide array of pretty faces, it seems that at least a few of them would, in theory, be available for a Valentine's Day date offscreen. And holidays, along with the soundtracks to big ensemble romantic comedies, have a way of making people feel–and do–crazy things. So, for those of you who, upon exiting the theater this weekend, find yourselves with a new celebrity crush: a handy guide to the romantic statuses of the Valentine's Day crew. A plan for breaking through the fourth wall is up to you.

Jessica Alba: Married to Cash Warren since 2008.

Jessica Biel: Justin Timberlake's got this one locked down.

Bradley Cooper: Attached to Renée Zellweger since 2009.

Ashton Kutcher: Married to Demi Moore since 2005 (as if you didn't know).

Julia Roberts: Married to cameraman Daniel Moder since 2002.

Jamie Foxx: Engaged to model Leila Arcieri.

Anne Hathaway: She's been dating actor Adam Shulman since 2008.

Shirley MacLaine: Divorced from businessman Steve Parker in 1982.

Hector Elizondo: Married to Carolee Campbell since 1969.

Jennifer Garner: Married to Ben Affleck since 2005.

Patrick Dempsey: Married to Delux Beauty founder Jillian Fink since 1999.

Eric Dane: Married to actress Rebecca Gayheart since 2004 (though a recent video suggests that the two might be able to make room for you).

Emma Roberts: Last we heard, she was dating her Wild Child co-star Alex Pettyfer. Of course, that was back in 2008.

Taylor Swift: Available, having just ended a relationship with Taylor Lautner.

Taylor Lautner: See above.

Queen Latifah: She's known for being reluctant to talk about  her personal life, so you'll just have to take your chances.

Topher Grace: He's on-again-off-again with his Young Americans co-star Teresa Palmer.

Carter Jenkins: He's been linked to Miley Cyrus, but they have a history of break-ups.

George Lopez: Married to Ann Serrano–who donated one of her kidneys to him!–since 1993