After my first mini-session with Dr. Diana Kirschner, who counseled Paris Hilton on The Simple Life, Dr. D warmly grasped my hands and wished me "best of luck." Her eyes were dark and sad as she looked at me. I wondered if my loneliness issues were really so severe. Therapist #2 advised me to "sleep around, have fun with girls" and ended our brief time with a fist bump. At my next whirlwind appointment, I was counseled to start being more open and honest. My fourth mental healer contradicted this advice, saying, "Do whatever you want, just own your decision."

Though I didn't leave completely healed and some of the chaos of the event mirrored my inner mindscape, it was a great way to open up to professionals and get me thinking about problems I would otherwise probably ignore. For New Yorkers always rushing on to the next fad (and sometimes to combine them—again, cupcakes were involved), Speed Shrinking might just be the best, fastest way to get some much-needed introspection.