THIS MAN IS ABOUT TO BE AS MUCH A FATHER AS YOUR OWN FATHER.
Happy Wednesday! Please enjoy this year's first compendium of all the pop-culture news you may have missed while you were doing your best not to spill Champagne on your sequins over the long New Year's weekend.
• Kim Kardashian is pregnant, which means she and Kanye West have probably—although not definitely—been having premarital sex. [Us]
• Another couple we feel was likely to have been having premarital sex is Kate Winslet and her absurdly named fiancé Ned RocknRoll; but now they are having postmarital sex, because they got married earlier this month. He is Richard Branson's nephew and, from the looks of this photo, is cuter than any man named Ned RocknRoll has a right to be. Do we think she's pregnant, too? And if so, will her baby ever meet Kimye's baby? [Vogue]
• In news that is sad on a personal level but also on a "holy crap, this is our culture, it's 2013 and nothing is better" level, a paparazzo was killed while trying to cross a busy LA boulevard in order to get a picture of Justin Bieber. Bieber released a statement of condolences that's also a statement that effectively says: "Stop taking pictures of me, guys." [Gawker]
• With $32M, The Hobbit blocked out Django Unchained, Les Misérables, and Parental Guidance to win the pre-New Year's Eve weekend box office; they made $30.1M, $27.2M, and $14.6M, respectively. Jack Reacher closed out the top five with $14M. [BOM]
• If Jay-Z and The Bullitts are indeed working on scoring The Great Gatsby, then we finally understand—and approve of!—the decision to move its opening from Christmas 2012 to May 2013. [Billboard]
• One unexpected turn the New Year brought is the resolution of Tory Burch's extremely long-running legal battle with ex-husband Chris Burch over the uncanny echoes of her design trademarks in his store C. Wonder. [P6/NYP]
• Skyfall is officially the 14th film to reach the milestone of making over $1B worldwide. Good for that underdog James Bond! [Deadline]